This is like the third time I’ve done one of these for this woman and I have absolutely no shame whatsoever. I would go through mind shattering, diabolical, absolutely treacherous torture just to get within one kilometer of this woman’s scent. I would fight several sentient ax-wielding monkeys with a rubber hammer attached to my right calf muscle if it meant she would shank me with her scythe. I would gain the power of every ancestor I have just to tear the DRESS off this woman. jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair because good god DAMN if she doesn’t stop extending her pinky at me it’s gonna get WICKED. Kamm would not be able to stop me. JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF will need every angel he can possibly summon to get me out of that because there’s no way in hell any feasible being is getting me out alive. She may not be sweetheart but I’m definitely turning her into a donut (I’m not punching a hole in her. I’M FILLING HER UP WITH STRANGE LIQUID NOBODY QUESTIO) I wouldn’t even complain if she tried killing me because one second of this woman’s time is all I need to feel accomplished. I would pay incomprehensible amounts of money just for her to hit me with her car. I would pound the shit out of her cheeks so bad, it wouldn’t even be sweetheart anymore. It’d be a broken heart because I’d absolutely DEMOLISH THIS WOMAN’S SPINE. Please. For me. I will send you everything I have just to have her give me a friendly elbow rub. I will SELL MY LEFT TESTICLE just for a whiff of her shampoo. Her beauty outshines a supernova. Her bOkay I can’t do this PLEASE LET ME HIT. PLEEEEASE. I WILL WILLINGLY BOMB SEVERAL STARVING FAMILIES IF IT MAKES ME ENOUGH OF A TERRORIST FOR HER IT’S ALL I NEED TO BE SATISFIED IN LIFE. I need her to send me to the dungeon for filling her soap bottle with mystery melted hershey mix. (she brushed against me on accident) I would be sentenced to hellish torture for the things I’d do to this woman in the bedroom. It would be considered whitespace because everything inside the room would be covered in WHITE. As long as it isn’t going into my ass, I am willing to do anything for this woman. It doesn’t matter if its up, left or right. It is going down and I AM YELLING TIMBER

I would suck every ounce of moisture out of those milk mounds and leave them dryer than the Sahara desert. I would appear in her room at approximately 4:55 am every night, holding a cup just to get a small taste of those blessed behemoths. I would shift the fuckin tectonic plates with every thrust while she straps a nuclear device to my back (its set to detonate once I pay her my life savings. I would call her my queen as I worship every inch of her body. I would sell my soul to become a singular follicle of hair that accidentally falls onto her shoulder. I would need the strength of a thousand trained soldiers to not cover the entirety of the world’s water supply in my coconut beverage™️. Not even Kamm is stopping me from using the scythe as a stripper pole. I’m going to dual wielding both rods as I turn her dress from red to white. There will be no going back once she crosses paths with me. I would become the toilet she sits on, to feel her loving embrace. I would become the shoe that she wears, I would do anything for her. She is my queen. Thank you for your time.