I could lecture you about the “correct” way of sidewalk hauling, I could go hours just explaining the process but I don’t believe in those rules. So I am gonna share with you my life as a professional sidewalk hauler. So 3 things about the sidewalk hauling life that you WILL learn from.

First thing I notice is that there are two types of people who come to me after a gnarly day of sidewalk hauling. The former says “sir, you cannot pick up random valuable garbage from the ground”, the second “Holy crap dude, that haul is gnarly. You deserve that bro.” And you know what I’ve come to realize? I’ve come to realize, that they’ve come to realize the motto of the sidewalk, and that is that when you are sidewalk haulin’ ; you’re sidewalk ballin’.

Second thing I notice, as you become a professional sidewalk hauler, you gotta commit yourself to the grind. You can be a sidewalk hauler and work like what 2-3 hours on the job, and you will find alot. But when you are a pro and you’re grinding each and every day, you’ll strike gold every single time. You go out into those fields every day and you’ll find a haul worth talking about.

Third, women are a distraction from your sidewalk hauling life. They’ll be disgusted by your haul each and every time because apparently things have to come from the store to be good. So it’s a good thing that I don’t have bitches, because while you’re out there spending quality time with the woman you love, I’m here making fat stacks of “worthless garbage”. You tell me which life sounds better.

My response to people telling me I’m “a filthy hermit” and “too broke to buy” here’s what I’ll say, I don’t want to take my time going to work and sucking up to the boss to get an extra paycheck, I’ll take my time going to work, doing the bare minimum and walking home, getting that grind on because when I get home I’ll have a stack easily worth double my paycheck. So what do I want to go to work for? Work for what? Money? I’ve got all the money in the world, I’m the king man! I rule the sidewalk guy! And what do I wanna do be some sort of teenybopper for somebody else’s money. I make the money man, I rule the sidewalk, the streets are mine. I deal the cards.