I dated this girl for two months before finding out that she was attracted to trees. She was going to keep it a secret from me, but decided to tell me. I was glad for her honesty at first, but after a week went by, I realized honesty in our relationship hadn’t been the reason for her admitting her desires to me.

I have a large, thick oak tree in my backyard. While the two of us were at my house, she casually asked if I would be okay with her going outside to see the tree. At this point it was around 10 PM and I had to work in the morning, so I thought, whatever, it’ll just be a second. I said sure.

She said she wanted to go alone and I, suspicious, decided to watch her from my window. She began to seductively touch the tree, and one thing led to another. After about four minutes of watching this in complete, utter shock, I ran outside, yelled at her to put her clothes on and get out.

She did. She got in her car, the whole while yelling at me for not accepting her for who she was by not letting her have sex with my tree. And so, she drove off, and I never saw her in real life again.

The tree is still standing, a towering reminder of the incident.