Hi my name is Wu Shin Shong, and I’ve been to exactly one self defense class 12 years ago when I got mugged and realized what my life’s true purpose was… to teach YOU some REAL MARTIAL ARTS MOVES so you can kick butt just like me. Send just 4 easy payments of $499 today and you can get access to our exclusive Timeshare pitch on Friday. Look, I’m not supposed to tell anyone cause it’s such a good deal that the company is losing money on it, but for you, come on down! My dojo is in a crack in the alley of 1st and Main covered with wet cardboard. Send those payments and I’ll allow you to enter my dojo and learn all my Kung fu death moves.