I just fucking love trees. I started by being a vegan and tying myself to trees so they wouldn’t be cut down, but then the more I was around trees the more I loved them. Their sexy rough bark, the soft leaves that turn brown in the fall, I get horny just thinking about the trees. Sometimes, I whisper into the trees and softly stroke their branches, and then warm sap cones out of them. “Oh yeah, you like that” I would say. One time I was in school and noticed that someone had planted a new tree outside. I couldn’t help it, staring at those soft branches flowing in the wind. “Oh yeah, your a light delicate one. I like that. One hard wind and you’re snapping,” I thought. I masturbated 17 times that day. Another time I was walking and found an acorn. Idk why, but acorns arouse me more than adult trees. Yesterday I was in a school play and this hot girl was playing a tree, and for a while I thought she was a tree, and asked her out. We went all the way to third base until she took off the tree costume and to my disappointment, was not a tree. Sometimes I lie awake at might watching a big tree outside my window softly tap at my wall. When I die, I want to be buried with my body wrapped around the roots of a tree. The roots are arguably the sexiest part if you’re in the right mood. I just love trees. So much.