I remember walking through a large supermarket a year ago, when all of a sudden my toddler heard the baby shark song coming from the tech aisle in the market. He is drawn to it, literally starts walking like a zombie. Like slow migratory turtles I see toddlers of all sizes navigating the large crates and toy displays toward the sound that comes ever closer as we toddle along. More and more toddlers join in, as we near the source of the “Do do dooo do, do do dooododo!” chants. They all forcefully pull along their parents with wide-eyed enthusiasm, and gather around an enormous TV. Some salesman and the dude he was selling it to was just demoing the damn TV, had accidentally put it on and couldn’t stop it again, and he was overrun by toddlers and their parents from all directions.

The song is toddler cocaine