I sexually identify as John Cena. Ever since I was a young boy I dreamed of defending my WWE championship at the WWE SUPERSLAM. People say to me that a person being John Cena is impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, You Can’t See Me. I’m having Vince McMahon inject me with hustle, loyalty, and respect. From now on I want you guys to call me “Champ” and respect my right to Five Knuckle Scuffle and Never Give Up. If you can’t except me then you’re Cenaphobic and need to check your championship privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.