Hey kids! If I learned anything from my middle school career, it’s that what may seem like a good idea initially will often be remembered only as a foolish mistake. Here’s a few pieces of technology from yesteryear that have since fallen into total obscurity.

So I’ve always believed that there’s no point in having many small things when you can have one big thing. Why have many shrimp when you could have one lobster? Why drink many glasses of milk when you can eat one udder? Why have many Cheez-Its when you can have one Cheez-Them? (Patent Pending) And why have many streetlights when you can have one moonlight tower?

These guys were real popular back in the 1880’s and 90’s, often standing at over 150 feet tall and illuminating several blocks from a single point. Not very well, mind you. Matter of fact, they were so dim we didn’t even have the conscience to call ’em “Light Towers” had to go stick the “moon” on the front so people didn’t get their hopes up. But thanks to our good old friend the Inverse-Square Law, you still needed a fuckton a’ light to pull this off. So they used incredibly harsh and UV-emitting arc lights, instead of incandescent bulbs– All the light of the moon and all the vision damage of the sun? Talk about a win-win! Sadly, these beasts have fallen by the wayside over the past century or so. Except for in Austin, apparently? But they used friendlier mercury vapor lamps in ’em, so they only get half points.