They should try karaoke. Karaoke is guaranteed to get just about anybody laid (if they wanna get laid, that is).

I mean, couple weeks ago, I managed to use a karaoke night to make a black girl blush twice. Had there been another gal there what caught my eye, I’d’ve had her fighting for my amusement (I’m not a good person).

Couple years ago, I actually got a pair of gals so riled up that, when I asked one of them to duet, the other one actually came up and snatched the mic out of her hand.

See, if I wasn’t a broken, miserable excuse for a human being, I could have easily parsed these experiences into sex, dating, maybe even companionship long-term. As it is, though, I’m the kind of monster that would be better suited to being a late-stage Roman Emperor, drinking wine and demanding people fight to the death for my amusement, all while wearing a toga and no pants (I’ve already got the “no pants” thing down, though: I do most of my best work in a kilt. Women love a man in a Scot Skirt).

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have wine to drink and karaoke to do later.