Archibald the Wise.


Archibald is a small little bird fellow. He enjoys long flights at night and dislikes being too chilly. When not participating in these pastimes, he keeps watch for any sight of a bad day and wooshes it out of sight. A calm and friendly demeanor, he will always be there to offer insightful advice and a smile to warm you up on a chilly day and to cheer you on. Archibald reminds us to take time to slow down and enjoy life while living it to its fullest, making memories and friends along the way.



If that was too boring for you, allow me to rephrase.

Archibald is a valiant bird knight. Despite his small stature he fights off the dregs of a bad day, quite the task for somebirdy so small. He faces hardship with stoic, pensive resolve and refuses to yield to any cold night. There is no bird quite like archibald, nay, he is the best one to have in your corner. He asks that you slow down to meet new friends and have new experiences. Look at that face, could you say no to that? Of course not hes snowy white, the pureset of birds! Surely you would trust his judgement should you be in need of it.


Still not enough huh? Alright lets try again.



BEHOLD!! ARCHIBALD! VALIANT KNIGHT OF HOUSE SNOWBURRY! HE SWOOPS INTO BATTLE WITH COURAGE AND SUCH INTENSITY! WHAT IS HE FIGHTING YOU ASK, MYPOOR FELLOW HE FIGHTS OFF THE VERY THOUGHT OF NEGATIVITY. AYE ITS MERE PRESENCE IS ENOUGH TO SET OF HIS SMALL BIRD LIKE NOSTRILS AND HE’S IMMEDIATELY ON THE HUNT READY TO SLAY THE HORRID BEAST OF DOOM AND GLOOM. LIKE A RAY OF LIGHT HE SHOOTS OFF INTO THE NIGHT WITH PURE JOY AND SPLENDOR, BARELY MINDING THE EVENING CHILL ON HIS WINGTIPS, AND EXPLODES INTO A SHIELD OF GLORY AND LIGHT. LIKE A LOST SAILOR YOU WILL FOLLOW HIS GUIDANCE AS IF HE WERE THE STARS THEMSELVES, SHINING DOWN UPON THEE OFFERING YOU HIS COURAGE AND WISDOM! HIS RADIANCE FLOWS UPON YOU, CALMING ANY FEAR YOU MIGHT HAVE ONCE HAD BUT NO MORE, IT HAS BEEN DEVOURED BY ARCHIBALD’S EVER PRESENT KINDNESS AND CARE. FOR THOSE OF YOU FOOLS WHO DARE QUESTION OUR HERO ARCHIBALD WISDOM AND INTEGRITY FORSHAME. ARCHIBALD ONCE FOUGHT THE DREAD HORDE ZOMBIES SINGLE HANDEDLY! HE HAS FLOWN STRAIGHT INTO THE SULFURIC STENCH OF MOUNT DOOM AND APPEARED ON THE OTHER SIDE UNSCATHED! THE EVIL BOG-MISTRESS MATILDA COULD NOT KEEP HIM AT BAY HIS VALIANT AND RADIANT LIGHT BLINDED HER AND MELTED HER OOZING FLESH. SHE COULD NOT HANDLE SUCH COURAGE! SUCH POSITIVITY! ARCHIBALD HAS OUTCHARMED PRINCE CHARMING HIMSELF AND LIVED! ARCHIBALD HAS CHALLENGED ALL THE GREAT MONKS AND KNOWLEDGE KEEPERS TO CHESS AND AT THE KINGS GAME HE HAS ARISEN VICTORIOUS ABOVE ALL. SOLOMON HIMSELF COULD NOT STAND A CHANCE AGAINST ARCHIBALD THE WISE. hE IS KNIGHTED IN EVERY KINGDOM ON EVERY CONTINENT ON EVERY PLANET IN EVERY UNIVERSE AT EVERY TIME! QUANTUM PHYSICS DOES NOT BIND ARCHIBALD HE IS FAR BEYOND OUR FEEBLE COMPREHENSION! HE HAS CHEATED DEATH MULTIPLE TIMES TO THE POINT HE DOES NOT FEAR DEATH, NAY DEATH FEAR HIM THE MIGHTY DEVOURER OF DARKNESS ARCHIBALD THE WISE. YOU WILL TAKE THIS BIRD AND YOU WILL LOVE HIM AS YOU SHOULD. YOU HAVE ALREADY TOUCHED HIM THE BLOOD PACT IS SEALED. WHEN THE STARS ALIGHT ARCHIBALD’S TRUE FORM WILL RISE AS WE SHALL ALL PERISH IN A GLORIOUS SPRING OF ENERGY AND HAPPINESS. MERRY CHRISTMAS I SAY AND TO ALL A BLESSED HOLIDAY.