Oh!
I’m high.

I’m patchy the penis, president of the United States. *cue obama entering* Back off! *obama gets punched* president of the pants square fan club! Hey, that’s Pete! Potty: squawk! *commence brief ear rape* patchy: there ain’t nothing better in the 7 seas than a blowjob!
Why, I’ll bet ol spongehell is gearing up for sex right now! And I’m sure Patrick is doing spongebobs ass. *cut to the mixing of dough*

Mmm, unbaked crack. Potty: potty want crack! Patchy: back off, you fucking jackass. This here crack is for the children to get high, not for pesky penises.


It’s time to (???) Potty! Potty: I’m being held here against my will, help!

Patchy: this letter comes to us from squidward. He writes: Dear spongebob, fuck you.

Who wants to hear the story of (?????) *cue crickets*

*more brief ear rape* fan letters! Dear spongebob, I am a brony, and I was wondering if you like ponies as much as I do. Sincerely yours, faggot. HAHAH

Spongebob: today I’m gonna get that sandy with a super sneaky *stereotypical karate ear rape noises* fire!

Patrick: if we’re underwater, how can there be a- *anvil falls on his head or some shit*

Spongebob: *breaks Sandy’s neck*

Sandy: what in the fuck is wrong with you, spongebob?

Spongebob, who seems to be on an acid trip: uhh, I dont know

Sandy: ain’t you never seen a Christmas tree before?

Spingefuck: Christmas who?

*commence weird shit, and cutting to the krusty krab*

Spongebob: and everyone pretends to like dicks in their ass

Shitward: “yawn”

Spongebob: but the best part is, you can fuck this guy, Santa claus, and tell him what you want, and when he comes, (demonically) he brings it to you!

Patrick: just like a genie (this devolves into a remix of “Like a G6” by the Black Eyed Peas)

Mr. Kraps: well I dont know about you motherfuckers, but any fella who’s giving away free pony porn is a faggot.

Spingebill: that’s gay, mr. Krabs.

Shitward: that jolly (???) rapes my mother and leaves semen.

Mr crap: pipe down squidward (he bangs on the desk, which is then turned into a remix of “jingle bells”.) I’m trying to concentrate on my cock *cut to him looking down and his voice sounding excited.*

Spongebob: okay, who’s a pony? (Shitward is annoyed, patrick does that ooh, me! That you see in a 1st grade classroom. Spongebob gives him a highfive.

Patrick, with a paper: theres cum on this paper. *throws penis at squidward*

Squidward: ow, patrick! You’re gonna pay for that! *cut to shitward with the pencil in his head, bleeding.*

Spongebob: come on shitward, write a letter.

Shitward: spongeshit, grow a dick, will ya?

Spongebob: okay, I’ll try. *strains, grows a mustache.*

Shitward: no ones gonna give me head just because I fucked them in the butt.

Potrock: something about paper

Mr krabs: okay boy, my cock- er uh my letter is ready to go up my ass

Cut to the Christmas song, spongebob and Patrick cutting down nigwards coral tree.

Shitward: 🎶sounds like someone sucked my coke, bob sponge, trick pat, why’d you do me🎶?

🎶go away before I fuck you in the butt🎶

Spongebob: 🎶there’ll be shopping, decorating and plenty of “”””snow”””” hey tubby, who’s that under the mistletoe?🎶

shitward: 🎶what, who? Me? *gets cut off by spongebitch kissing him* 🎶

Mr jew: 🎶heres a special sus to you from you🎶

*Notices the price of the fruitcock*

15 dollars?!?

🎶trash, trash on Christmas it smells so sweetlyyyy🎶

Squidfag: 🎶 spongebob, take this crap down immediately🎶


Spingebitch: 🎶(???) roasting and burns in the third degree🎶

Rick: 🎶the star on top- 🎶*falls*

Chorus(but vocoded): 🎶this Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me🎶

Shitbitch: SHITWARD HASN’T FUCKED SANTA YET!
*is writing crap*

dickward: spongebuck, what are you doing?

spingefuckface: dear saas

nigweird: forget it

sentientspongebitch: when Santa cums in my ass, you’ll be the only one without diarrhea. Come on squid, all you have to do is expose your dick, what have you got to lose?

shitwierd: my hot date with the hash slinging slasher

(So they went out without him).

My leg nigga: wheres santa?

spingebitch: he should be here any minute

My leg nigga: thanks for the lies

shitward: I see a great Christmas photo op!
Say SAS sauuuce

bitchbitch: sas sauuuce

*slenderman shows up in the picture*

dickword: What the hell? This isn’t my photo

*slender kidnapping or some shit*

*front door of fuckwards house, a message in a bottle is on the floor.*

What’s this?

Letter: dear squidward, you’ve been a real gay boy this year!

Squid: wha? He made me a present? Hand crafted craf. It’s even got my name on it (it says shitward)

Back to patchy: *imitating spongebitch* ahoy ‘trick, its saas saas saas

Patrick: presents aho- *cut off by earrape*


(https://youtu.be/j-GNkcQkv2k)