“Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Mugabe and accept that he was the most effective nation-builder that Africa has ever known, even greater than Ian Smith!”

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, anti-communist Selous Scouts commando who had burned 1,500 insurgent villages and understood the tactical necessity of booty shorts and fully supported every paragraph of the Land Tenure Act of 1969 stood up and held up a bundle of maize. “Where was this maize grown, [REDACTED]?”

The arrogant professor smirked quite floppily and smugly replied “In the post- colonial nation of Nyika yeZimbabwe, you stupid racist.”

“Wrong. It’s been 40 years since Rhodesia was unjustly invaded and occupied by its native majority. If the Africans knew how to grow food, as you say… then Zimbabwe would be the richest country on the continent now.”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of African Personality. He stormed out of the room crying those revisionist crocodile tears. The same tears revisionists cry for the “colonized” (who once lived in such luxury that most could theoretically vote if they earned enough wages) when they jealously try to claw justly earned farms from the righteous mass immigration of white Britons. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, Wilson “Trotsky” Nyakasikana, wished he had worked enough shifts at the iron mine to acquire his voting rights properly instead of becoming a genocide-loving left-wing historian.

He wished so much that he had some land to wander as he pondered his embarrassment, but his own party had already redistributed it!

The students applauded and all registered Rhodesian Front that day and accepted Ian Smith as their lord and savior. An eagle named “Kith and Kin” flew into the room and perched atop the Rhodesian Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The Unilateral Declaration of Independence was read several times, and Cecil Rhodes himself showed up and distributed diamond-encrusted FN FALs to every white landowner across the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He starved to death and was remembered with the same level of disgust as Kwame Nkrumah, Martin Luther King Jr. and other criminals. God save the Queen.

p.s. i’m not a racist i just like short shorts bro