When I (m) was about 10, both my parents worked full time including weekends, leaving me with my older brother (13). He had 2 friends, a set of twins that hung out at our place all the time.

During summer vacation one year (I think it was only one year?) They found my dad’s stash of playboy and would sit around looking through them and jerking off. Just sitting in the living room all casually rubbing one out.

Eventually I guess the got bored with the pictures and they started getting me involved. It moved quickly from ‘hey, look at these tits’ to ‘watch me, this is how you jerk off’ to ‘ill do it for you’ to ‘put this in your mouth, you’ll like it’ and beyond.

I dont think they ever actually penetrated me, but I know that I got used in every other way possible. I didn’t really know what was happening, but I was a very shy kid and I thought that this was making them like me, so it must be a good thing.

I blocked it out for probably 20+ years and I’ve never told anyone. I’m 50 now and I dont think there’s any point. I’ve barely spoken to my brother for 20 years. One time I brought it up to him and I got the “you loved it” speech. One of my parents is dead and both of his friends are dead. I know all the ways it fucked me up as a person and I want my brother to fucking burn for it, but the idea of exposing all that to the world is terrifying.