“I love you.” thought Akechi Goro sweetly as he sipped on one of the McFlurries his daddy dom clown man had made from his pleasure milk earlier that morning.
It was wonderfully lukewarm, *almost* cold but not quite – exactly how it should be, the McDonalds Sex Club and Restaurant way.
In fact, it was their motto: “Almost Cold but Not Quite”.
He thought about how hungry he was – his shift was impossibly long, just like Ronald’s phat clown cock – and remembered dearly how his godlike clown daddy would use him as his personal burger.
Ah, and his favorite part… the McDonald’s Burger Mayonnaise.
(it’s cum.)
He was fantasizing so hard that his panties would’ve been soaked, had he been wearing any, but he was not, for the McDonald’s Sex Club and Restaurant banned all undergarments.
You know.
Because.
That’s when he heard the bell to the restaurant door ring open.
“My name is Akira Kurusu, and I would like to know where your bathroom is, please.”
Goro gasped – he hadn’t ever heard a customer speak a full sentence before fleeing the god-awful establishment.
He gasped another time, like an embarrassed anime girl, because he actually had an absurd and long history with Akira that would take up at least three other fics.
He almost stumbled over himself as he jumped over the counter like a gymnast, his dick bodaciously jiggling in the air as he did so, and landed on his feet, on – oh god – an oil pile on the floor!
Like the twink bottom bitch he is, Goro falls and slips and falls and tumbles and does more synonyms for “fall clumsily” down onto the floor, leaving his legs splayed on the floor (sexily).
Silly him, he hadn’t even been able to show this mysterious customer who’s name was Akira Kurusu and who wanted to know where their bathroom was please, not before his bottom instincts took over and he forgot how to walk.
He thought of all the other reasons in the past he hadn’t been able to walk.
Leg injury, Ronald McDonald, Ronald McDonald, different leg injury, Ronald McDonald.
A tough life is his.
Clumsily and sexily and twinkishly and unsteadily, Goro got up on his shaky legs and looked up at Akira Kurusu.
He pointed toward the bathroom with a shaky hand.
“T-t-t-there it is, daddy. WAIT, NO-”
And just like that, Ronald McDonald materialized from the oil puddle he had just slipped into earlier, eyes glaring with red lens flare.
In shock, Goro fell back, landing on Ronald, who held him in his clownish yaoi hands.
“Baby girl, who the fuck are you calling daddy who is not me? Oh-”
It seems that was the moment Ronald McDonald noticed the customer standing in front of them, who had still to this very minute not been shown to the bathroom.
This isn’t even a watersports fic, so we can’t have him not get to the bathroom.
That would be cruel.
Oh wait, he had.
That one’s on me Demetri the author.
My bad.
Anyways, Akira Kurusu walks towards the bathroom, completely ignoring the pair.
He came back very shortly after, looking normal, like a normal human being usually does.
Then, he turned to Goro.
Even Ronald seemed shock at this man’s resilience to the McDonald’s Sex Club and Restaurant’s overpowering aura and stench (the stench and the aura are interchangable, as both have the same psychic properties.)
He spoke in a loud and clear and deep and sexy voice, not unlike the voice a protagonist in a video game would have.
I wonder if he was voiced by Xander Mobus.
That would be wacky.
“Goro Akechi, who I definitely do not know nor do I have a history or any unresolved sexual tension with, may I have a McFlurry, please?”
That was a lie, of course.
They had a lot of unresolved sexual tension.
It just wasn’t convenient to bring it up now.
Goro gasped and nodded violently.
Ronald held his head sweetly and said “shhh, baby gorl” in a voice not too unlike Gru from Despicable Me, until Goro calmed his violent head nodding.
He went to the machine, and poured out a McFlurry, the very same McFlurry machine powered by pleasure milk and McLove.
But when Akira took a sip of the pleasure milk, his outfit instantly changed, like he’d gone to a parallel dimension or something!!
Now he looked sly as fuck and he had a mask.
“Surprise! I am not only Akira Kurusu, I am also Joker, pro food reviewer and journalist and associate of Gordon Ramsey’s!”
(He failed to bring up his other job title, “Phantom Thief of Your Man”, due to time constraints.)
Both of them gasped, and watched on in amazement.
“I must say, while this special McFlurry has an excellent taste and consistency, no doubt from pleasure milk, it’s missing something…. more… gooey.”
Ronald looked on in confusion – what could there possibly be missing…?
Cum?
Oh, god, don’t tell me that they’re gonna add cum to the recipe.
I’m on thin ice with my family as is.
“Luckily for both of you motherfuckers, we can make the next ingredient ourselves.” Oh god.
Goro understood instantly, because of his long history with Akira Kurusu food reviewer extraordinaire, his long unresolved sexual tension with him, and his dreams of his daddy’s Massive Clown Schlong.
He whipped off the McSex Club and Restaurant uniform, letting it sink into the puddle of oil like a single pebble into a bog.
Akira nodded.
Ronald understood.
Then they had a threesome I mean fuck I don’t feel like writing it.
They have sex.
Gay sex.
With three people.
It’s very intense.
It’s a red and yellow candy cane bukkakestravaganza.
You’re going to have to trust me.
Finally, when Goro is about to come, instead of putting the pleasure milk collecting jar under his titties, Ronald McDonald puts the jar on his dick.
Goro doesn’t even have the time to say “bazinga” before he cums so hard that he fills the entire jar.
Ronald brings it to the machine, and adds it to the pleasure milk already there.
It makes for a sickening concoction, a viscous liquid mixing with the already milky, mildly inconsistent one.
They put the machine to work.
They manage to get exactly one Special McFlurry (THE ROYAL) (trademark) out of the machine before it breaks.
Everyone’s naked, but still, Ronald and Goro can’t help but feel exposed as Akira Kurusu sips at the Special McFlurry (THE ROYAL) (trademark).
He takes a long, exaggerated sip, and they both watch his delicious Adam’s apple bob as he swallows, just like he’d been swallowing earlier that evening.
He smacks his lips, just like he had earlier this evening, and grins at them, just like he had earlier that evening.
“Now this , gentlemen, this is what I call a Special McFlurry.”
Sumire Yoshizawa witnessed all this from outside the window to the establishment, and immediately swore revenge on Ronald McDonald.
fin