Early 30s, male, married, living in Tokyo. I’ve just had a semen analysis, and I’d like to write about the whole thing in full. I would be happy if it could be of help to someone else.

I visited a clinic specializing in male infertility, and made an appointment in advance via the Internet. When I went to the reception desk, I was greeted by two female staff members who looked to be in their 20s. When I told them my name, they asked for some documents to verify my identity, and instead gave me a medical questionnaire and a number tag. After that, I was basically called by number.

In the waiting room, there was a couple and a woman sitting alone. The chairs were arranged so that they faced the perimeter of the wall, so they could not see each other’s faces. Overall, I felt that privacy was well taken care of.

Now for the medical questionnaire. This was similar to a light questionnaire. Whether you are married or unmarried, how long have you been trying for a baby, do you have any resistance to fertility treatment, and so on. There are no items that make you hesitate to fill out the form. Just fill it out quickly and submit it to the receptionist.

Within five minutes of filling out the form, a male staff member appeared from the back and called me by number. I was taken to a private room. The door to the room read “Semen Extraction Room 2,” which was the first time I’d seen that word in over 30 years of life.

The room was dimly lit. There was a reclining sofa, tissues, wet wipes, a trash can, a DVD player, and a TV. Oh, and headphones, of course. I’ve never been in one, but I wonder if this is what a private video room looks like.

The male staff member said as he took out a thin plastic cup. Please masturbate now and put all your semen in the cup,” he said.

The first step is to write your full name and the period of abstinence on a sticker and put it on the cup. I guess this is to prevent any mistakes in the test results. However, the adhesive strength of the sticker was extremely weak, and I was concerned that it might come off at any moment, as it would be defeated by the roundness of the cup.

Now, I had to take out what I had to take out. As he was leaving, the staff member said, “We have some DVDs for you to use. I looked and saw about ten DVDs. The selection was close to my standard taste. If I had to pick a trend, I’d say there were a lot of gyaru-style ones with thin eyebrows.

There was also one erotic book. There was also one erotic book with pictures of women wearing no clothes at all or wearing school swimsuits. It was the kind of thing that used to be thrown away on the bank of a river. I didn’t want to touch them, as they seemed to have little practical use and the books were generally wrinkled.

Here’s an interesting tidbit: there’s wifi in the collection room. I’m not sure if the clinic provided it or not. Anyway, there is a wifi connection without a key. Needless to say, if you have a smartphone and wifi, you can do anything.

At this point, I noticed a note hanging on the wall, closed in a clear file, saying that if I didn’t come out of the room in about 20 minutes, I would be asked to give up on the sample collection for the day and come back later for another test.

Since I was observing the equipment and I didn’t want to leave the room too early (women may not understand this feeling, but that’s how it is), I took it easy. I looked at my watch and saw that almost ten minutes had already passed. I was impatient.

However, it’s only a man who can do it as soon as he wants to. I carefully cleaned the room with tissues and wet wipes, left the cup in the private room, and left the room.

When you return to the waiting room, just tell the woman at the reception desk that you are done. No more words are needed. The receptionist will then call the male staff member to inform him of the completion of the test, and the staff member who collected the plastic cup will tell the receptionist the approximate time it will take for the test to be completed, which will be passed on to you.

It takes about an hour to get the test results (they say it can be mailed later). I went out for a while and waited while drinking coffee at a nearby Doutor.

The reason why I took the semen test in the first place was, of course, because I wanted to have a child. It’s only been a little over three months since we started trying for a baby (my wife and I have a difference of opinion on this), but since we haven’t been getting the results we wanted, I felt like I should take the test (my wife suggested that I go to a gynecologist to prepare for pregnancy).

I am a person who genuinely likes the experience of “knowing” something. In the first place, I never thought that my masculinity, or the meaning of my existence, would be shaken even if I were sterile.

As it turned out, the result was azoospermia. There was not a single sperm in the semen that was ejected.

Azoospermia is said to occur in about one out of every 100 men. Most of them are unaware of it, and I had never had such a suspicion. I didn’t have a hobby of observing my own semen under a microscope (apparently there are some people who do), and I thought it was “normal,” that it was just a coincidence that I couldn’t have a child after trying for a little over three months, and that it was quite normal. In a nutshell, I couldn’t imagine that there would be sperm in the semen but no sperm in the semen.

The doctor said that he would not know until he did another test. Next time, we will have a more detailed examination with ultrasound and palpation. However, since there were no sperm, which are usually observed in the order of tens or hundreds of millions, it was no longer possible that this was a physical condition or an error in the test.

That day, I was scheduled to attend the after-party of a friend’s wedding. It’s not every day that someone goes from a semen analysis to a party. Especially if the test result was azoospermia. What’s more, the bride and groom were married on the spur of the moment. What a coincidence!

Originally, I was prepared to go home on the last train of the day, but now that I had received the result that my sperm count was zero, I had to tell my wife as soon as possible. When I came home and explained the above, my wife said, “Okeco. It means “okay. My wife has an excellent sense of language, adding “ko” to the end of every word, and I was strongly impressed that she would say it even in such a serious situation.

Now, what should I do?

I was somewhat shocked to learn of the results. But I couldn’t understand why I was shocked. Of course, I was disappointed that the results suggested that I might not be able to have children, and I felt really bad for my wife. However, even if you have azoospermia, it is still possible to conceive through various types of fertility treatments, and I believe that it is quite possible for my wife and I to live our lives together if we are unable to have children. My wife has always been of that opinion. Therefore, I don’t think that the fact that the possibility of having a baby has been reduced is the root cause of my shock.

So, where does this sense of discomfort come from? After thinking about it for a day, I realized. It’s hard for me to believe, and I don’t want to admit it, but I can’t help but think that it’s because my masculinity has been damaged. I’ve always thought that “masculinity” was ridiculous, but when the possibility that I might not be able to (biologically) procreate was presented, I was naively hurt!

In other words, I was metaphorically perceiving myself as being shocked, and being shocked at being shocked. This, I thought, was extremely close to the structure of Hatena. So, as a long-time member of Hatena Village, I thought I should do something to give back to the villagers, and here I am writing my first Masuda.

I’ve gotten completely off topic, but a semen analysis can be done for around 10,000 yen. I found out later that husbands are generally very reluctant to have a semen test, and in the majority of cases, wives somehow persuade them to come to the clinic. In many cases, the wife has to take the semen collected at home to the clinic in a sealed container (!). I’ve heard that there are many cases.

As an azoospermia-prone man myself, I have to admit that this is not very manly of me. I hope you Hatena people will read this article to get rid of your psychological anxiety, and take the initiative to get a semen analysis when the time comes.