ok so here’s the plan:


We raid Fred Meyer. We all gather near taco Bell at 5:00 AM. We don’t bring weapons, but instead disguise all 30 of us into costumes that are a combination of pirates and 90’s laundry department owners. We bring unsuspecting laundry baskets and oranges to prevent scurvy. We then charge at 5:16, sending 10 to the front Northern entrance, 10 to the west, and 5 to the backside to climb up onto the ceiling. Anyone left patrols the area with bags of change and a parrot on their shoulder. As we plunder the vegetables and rob their cheap greenery, we use a combination of fists and wit to incapacitate any police or oversleeping employees that get in our way, but the likelihood of any landlubber encounter is unlikely as Fred Meyer opens at 7. We wrap up our heist at around 5:45, fleeing with detergent bombs and grappling hooks and separating all back home, as if nothing happen. The police will investigate the cameras; they would only see pirates and outdated dance moves. They would question the millenials; we say we were too busy ruining the economy and studying for the final AP class chapter. We cripple the store, live in luxury with a month’s supply of Pringles chips and Head and shoulders. No one will ever remember. It would be 2019 by the time they figure out, and no one remembers the last year in 2019. No one.