I have a hypothesis that a fictional character’s ability to perform an intellectually or physically demanding task is directly proportional to their nudity level, up to the “Porn Peak” at which point competence in almost all tasks rapidly and mysteriously decreases. This is why Conan can lift such huge rocks and every female magician seems to gravitate towards remarkably fine and modern lingerie, but outright naked people are funny.

However, the degree to which this rule can be applied is inversely proportional to the venerability of the visual character portrayal (though this rule only begins applying at age of legal adulthood). So Merlin in his shorts would be merely hilarious, while a shirtless 20-something with a grimoire can basically destroy entire universes. This fails in the case of the classic Gandalf Exception, which states that once Maximum Venerability is achieved, power essentially maxes out, though Plot Efficacy may reduce (ie, the character is no longer allowed to save the world themselves).

This means that, in approximate terms, the maximum mage or barbarian warrior power level is achieved while seminude AND visually appearing to be about 18-40 in excellent physical condition with notably low BF%.

It’s basically fiction physics.

In sum, I needed something to do that wasn’t beating my head against statistics while shirtless, so I made this post. Turns out it doesn’t always work in real life. That, or I need more abs for the rule to kick in.