“Thomas! Are you chasing after that mouse again?” I shouted down the stairs. Descending, I saw Tom standing next to a pile of broken dishes with a shamed look on his face as Jerry skirted into a hole in the wall.

“Thomas, I told you about this. We’re hiring an exterminator next week. But you just couldn’t listen, could you? Now, I have to teach you a lesson. Get over here.” Tom hesitated, then slowly walked over to me as I sat in the chair, no doubt knowing what was to come.

“Are you walking through molasses? Move it, Tom!” I shouted, prompting Tom to jump 10 feet in the air and slam his head into the fan, which swung him around by his neck until he flew directly at me. Catching him, I positioned him on the floor with his rear facing skyward as I began to remove my pants.

“You may be a male cat, but I’m still gonna get me some pussy,” I told Tom as I entered him. The moment I did, Tom again rocketed into the air with a scream. “AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH,” he bellowed, spiraling like a perfectly thrown football through the window and directly into spike’s doghouse, waking him up. Spike, who was quite tired due to our all-nighter in my king-sized bed, was enraged and grabbed an axe, swinging for Tom’s head. Tom tried to get out of the way, but Spike caught him in the jugular. Tom collapsed to the ground and began to spasm as he bled out.

Cue music

The End