My girlfriend is a very thin woman (5’4” 110lb) but she routinely fishes for compliments by calling herself fat, or even obese. The first time she did this I was very concerned because she’s clearly not overweight, so I would reassure her that she’s very thin and that this is all just low self esteem issues. No matter how much reassurance I give she consistently refers to herself as fat. She doesn’t have an eating disorder either, if feels like she just does this to get attention and compliments (I’m more than happy to compliment her but she could just ask.)

I finally reached the tipping point when she referred to herself as “hugely fat” in front of my mother, who actually is overweight. My mom didn’t appear offended but it was clearly in poor taste. To lighten the mood, I turned to my girlfriend and said “okay Big Chungus” And everyone laughed (including our waiter )

Anyway, after that it seemed like playfully calling her “big chungus” or “megachonk “ or “on lawd she comin’” was the answer to this issue. When I reassure her, she persisted in calling herself fat, but when I call her “Miss Supreme Heftychonk Her Majesty Big Chungus” (just an example but many similar names to that) she realizes she’s not getting compliments and stops complaining for a while.

However one of her friends just emailed telling me that I’m emotionally tormenting my girlfriend and “ruining her self esteem.” Am I really? I reassured her for months before I lost my nerve and it doesn’t feel right to encourage fishing for compliments.