So, I was 22 years old – feeling dapper, refined, and rather presumptuous as my best-mate and I drunkenly strolled about the downtown scene of Flagstaff, AZ. Inseparable we were; confident in one another that’d we’d always have each others backs and remain best of friends in this life and the next. The night was rather cold; colder than usual – and we were underdressed, unkempt, and ultimately debacherous with our libido-fueled-psyches. As we conversed about life, sex, and our want for love that evening… the neon lights reflected in puddles, and like our dreams, soon rippled with every step towards our final destination – The Green Room… now this place sounds erotic, enticing, and otherwise alluring – but in reality it was a large, cavernous dive bar that smelled of hipster cologne, and as if the floor had been mopped with Fireball liquor. Albeit to say, no one noticed or could care as the night was alive with entrancing EDM and the possibility of well – anything, in our minds at least.

To back things up, we befriended one another our freshmen year of college. From that day forward we spent every day together, laughing, getting smashed, and wreaking havoc on and off the campus. We were definitely those two nerdy best friends who you’d least expect to show up at a bar, let alone smoke copious amounts of marijuana, while arriving just on time to class and other events, high on cocaine and other drugs – but that was us for many years.

On this night in particular we were wasted, mad-raging-horny, and without inhibition. Now, there was no way of telling how we appeared to others, but it became obvious as the night progressed. We were given off putting stares by woman, shamed brows by men, and concerned gazes from the bartenders (they knew who we were, unfortunately). As 3am approached, the normal, large and brooding crowd of college students adorned the bar front. Cold breath and cigarette smoke filled the air, with laughter and loudness abound. I was standing on the corner by myself wondering where my friend had gone (we had a habit of just disappearing on one another when we were smashed). No one approached me as I stared longingly into the crowds of friends and normal functioning people. I must have looked like one of those extreme-graphical close ups of Spongebob’s face… anyways, as reality kicked in hard to remind me that’d I’d be jerking off tonight, an angel appeared through the youth filled air of toxic bliss. Well, more of a fallen angel if you will…

She was a woman I had met a many times. I was a drummer and played in a few bands during college. This woman was always at our shows – waiting for me each time to tell me she wanted to “take me home and fuck me.” I never wanted to at the time. She was a large, older woman with no filter and a sex drive like a torpedo. I found her attractive, but mind you, I was 5’10 at 120lbs – the contrast was undeniable, I always thought. But on this night in particular, I decided to give in to what was long awaited. She hastily approached me through the crowd, and without hesitation grabbed my shirt and drew me towards her enormous breast region…

Now mind you, at this point I have no idea whats about to happen and I still haven’t seen my friend in the past half-hour. The woman and I shamefully strolled up the alley way were a large SUV was parked against a tattered brick wall. She grabbed my cold, shriveled penis and pulled me towards it. There was about a foot of space between the SUV and the wall – but she somehow managed to nestle us both in there for some *pre-coitus romp-a-round*. Normally I would reject such acts of public indecency, but my little chalupa was now stern and ready for action – so I completely gave in to her vivacious needs for my bean stalk. We engaged in breathy smooching, and unstoppable groping – her big breast felt like warm loafs of bread in my cold hands. The moment became warmer as her 220lbs of goddess pinned me tight between that space Ill never forget. She didn’t hold back on releasing her internal emotions, beginning to ungulate her passions for all to hear. I began to lose my ability to breathe as her ravaging actions pinned me tighter in this tiny gap we somehow managed to squeeze in. The SUV was rocking back n forth like four *vatos* were inside listening to Cypress Hill. Her moans and repeated words of , “mmm”, “yes”, and “ahhhh” could be heard around the block – at least thats what I found out the next day. People were passing us by as we continued to hump another in our tight nook of love. I couldn’t have cared but began to laugh as I imagined what others thought as they passed by. So, I made the decision to move forward to my dorm. This is where the story takes a turn.

The woman and I are fumbling up the street towards campus. There is no one outside at this point, and she takes every advantage of retail space possible. She was throwing me against store fronts and sucking my soul dry with her lusty prowess. I’m still laughing and trying to not fart and vomit – but something kept me going. We finally arrived at my dorm, the all-male hall on campus. The international students took over the building that year so it was me, my gay roommate, and about 200 Asian men. Nevertheless, we approached the door – now, I’m very to the point and tell her she must be quiet in the hallways. I also mention that my roommate might be sleeping. However, she ignores all requests and is being boisterous in the halls…

We finally get to my room and enter the little Harry Potter closet that it was. Our beds were bunked to save space and it appeared my roommate wasn’t there. “Yes!”, I thought to myself, as the voluptuous hound began to de-robe. I soon was naked; as was she, whereby she spun me around and threw me down to my elf sized twin bed. At this point, she was already crushing my lower body as she sat on my hips – a vibrant, but hazy light was behind her massive silhouette as she leaned back and rubbed her big bread loafs like freshly risen yeast pillows. She moaned and persisted with scratching and biting – requesting that I finger her nether-region and smack her face with my dilly-bopper. I wasn’t sure what to do as I lay there turning purple from my life air being cut off at the waist. I motion to swing her around and beneath me – but fail time and time again. We are voraciously kissing at this point and she requests that we 69 each other. “Thank God!” I yearn, as this may be my only chance at breathing right tonight. I say its a good idea and that I’ll be on top. She wasn’t having it and kept pushing me to my back, denying me like that computer screen in Jurassic Park,”Ah Ah Ah!”. I was now scared as I imagined her massive hips and butt-cheeks upon my tender, little face – I was so pure until this point. She moved at the speed of light, in a *ninjutsu* sort of fashion – I even saw the motion blur of her swift action into the position of 69. She soon engulfed my entire face with her physical bearings and began to give me an extremely pleasing blowjob. I sort of didn’t mind the suffocation at this point and tried my best to reciprocate the oral favor. So, I firmly planted my tiger palms into her soft, plump butt cheeks. I was super aroused at this point and ready to lather – what a phenomenal blow job I kept thinking. Well, unfortunately for me I wasn’t able to perform my best head due to the suffocation factor. I tried to lick her properly, but just couldn’t get my tongue in full motion. I imagine it looked like a person who just had a stroke trying to drink a Capri-Sun through the straw. Alas, she seemed to love the little tootsie pop licks I so desperately tried to provide. She was ready for injection at this point and I was ready to fill – the blowjob still had my bean stalk pumping – thinking to myself, “There really is a giant on top of this bean stalk”…

She allows me to stand up, and I soon filled with air, regaining that angelic hue of satin skin tones. She bends forthright displaying her surprisingly inviting vagina. She rears her head around like a door stopper spring and shouts, “Fuck me from behind like the slut that I am!”. I am beguiled by her unabashed grace and mount her like Teddy Roosevelt on his first moose. Finally, having the reigns reignited my vigor and I began to thrust like the Polar Express after the last passenger boarded. The lights were all still on and the bed was rocking so hard I feared it may collapse. Despite all of that, we continue to boink vehemently – pulling another’s hair and skin, expressing the, “uhhh” and “oh yeahs” that beckoned us. She’s loving my bean stalk and Im loving this climb. Now is where things start to go south…

I’ve been rearing her now for a solid 15 minutes now (thanks, Whiskey) and neither of us had plans for stopping. The sweat was gleaming atop our skin, we were spouting passions, and rocking the bed even harder. I see something out of the corner of my eye that startled me. It was a pair of socks – a pair of socks with two feet in it dangling from the top bunk. My eyes immediately widened at the sight. “I thought he was gone tonight?!”, I said to myself nervously. To my surprise.. well to his major surprise, my gay roommate had in fact been in bed the whole night. He quickly jumped off the bed and we made immediate eye contact. Now mind you, Im balls deep, butt-rumping this doughy mountain on a twin sized, mattress-bunk-bed combo – stark naked and smiling. My roommate is frozen in his place and I’m still going to town. He leaves the room like the Flash and the woman straight up asked, “Who was that?!”. I told her not to worry and we continued to make love until the sun showed its face…

Her and I thanked each other for the evening and made plans to do this again. It never fell through, but it was surely a night to remember and I considered myself fortunate to have slept with this beautiful woman. My roommate and I didn’t speak for a whole month, he actually avoided me for quite some time. I tried to make amends but he never got over it – and I can’t say I blame him after seeing the things he saw. Albeit to say, the best part of the story has been saved for last..

My best friend wasn’t mentioned after a certain point. I thought he wandered off home in a drunken stupor. He informed the day after of his whereabouts – and it was fucking gold. Apparently he had noticed the initial interaction the woman and I had at the bar. He saw us walk up the alley, and like the amazing friend he is, decided to follow us to make sure I got home safe. He had been playing Assassins Creed a lot, and was inspired to lurk in the shadows I suppose. He tightly wrapped his hood to his face and followed us all the way to the dorm. He told me he found tight door spaces and trees to hide behind as he watched this Big Momma have her way with me all night. Thats when I knew I had a best friend for life and we’re still best friends til this day. Believe this if you want, but it was a night I’ll never forget.