People who are afraid of geese make me laugh. I could fuck a goose up. If a goose squares up to me, it’s not only challenging me, it’s challenging my entire ancestral past. It knows the stakes of challenging something much larger than it. Geese are used to people running away and being terrified of them, so it’ll come as a complete shock when I deck that feathery motherfucker right in its fucked up face. If it still has learned it’s lesson, I’ll wrong it’s neck like a damp rag and leave it out to dry.

The confidence and bravado that geese have are simultaneously respectable, and completely unwarranted. The absolute gnards on geese are something to be respected, but they need to be challenged to see if those massive balls are simply inflated balloons, or solid stones. However, I have a feeling those balls will fly off into the sunset, when I grab it by it’s horrific, lovecratian length neck and whirl it around like it’s a towel at a football game.

I can’t tell you how many times these fucking lunatics decided to block the entire road just because they felt like it. Even in the face of a giant metal death machine, they don’t even flinch. They’ve noticed our generosity, and our adherence to nonviolence, and are taking advantage of it. I don’t know how anyone else was raised, but I was raised to let ANYONE or ANYTHING take advantage of me.

I know the day will come when a goose finally squares up to me. Perhaps my higher than average height keeps them at bay, or they can identify, and understand my feelings towards them through my behaviors. I have yet to fight a goose, but I know for an absolute fact that no goose has any chance against me 1 on 1. Even 1 on 2. I would have to do research on geese groups to identify how they work together to combat foes.

In conclusion, geese talk mad shit but in no way can they back it up.