Alright, this may sound weird but hear me out. I want to fuck The Boss from Metal Gear Solid 3 soooooo bad! I’ve never really been to into blondes but I’ve got to admit, The Boss looks absolutely gorgeous. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a weeb or pervert like most MGS fans are. Personally I think the lewd fan service in MGS3 was unnecessary and added no substance to the game, and I never really get too attached to fictional characters I’ve never met in real life (except The Boss of course). But The Boss is such a great person and I just can’t help myself.

This is a verry deep secret that I feel verry, VERRY strongly about. When ever I tell someone about my deep deep feelings for The Boss our relationship is never the same and they begin to only think of me as a perverted otaku who spends all my time beating my meat to rule 34 (😡😡not true btw, I have a verry active social life and am firmly against chronic masturbation). If the person I feel close enough to confess my feelings to has played MGS3 before I always get responses like “why? She seems like such a thot” and “She’s such a basic blonde”. This gets me VERRY annoyed and sends me into ANOTHER rant. My response usually goes something like this:
#1. SHE IS NOT A THOT! Just because she unzipped her jacket ONCE does not make her a thot! She was not “showing off” to Snake! She opened her jacket to prove that she had the scars she was telling Snake about, AND her opening up her jacket was to symbolize her opening up to Snake about her past! Snake and The Bosses non-romantic relationship was so deep they thought they knew everything about each other but Snake never knew her back story and never saw the huge scar that started at the stomach and ended at her breasts (again, this is a non-romantic relationship). Her open jacket revealing said scar was NOT her being a THOT, it was a carefully thought out action that ACTUALLY ADDED SUBSTANCE TO NOT ONLY THE GAME BUT ALSO HER CHARACTER! Kojima actually wanted to write her as a thot but decided against it as he realized it would hinder her character.
#2. SHE IS NOT BASIC AND HER HAIR COLOR SHOULD NOT DICTATE THAT! The Boss is the OPPOSITE of basic. I like people who have good morals and have good character content. She took in and raised Snake the best she could and gave him all the motherly love he needed. When the time came where she needed to give up everything for her country and for Snake she didn’t think twice. She knew she would go down in the history books as a disgusting traitor in America and war criminal in Russia but went the distance any way. She gave her life “not for honor but for YOOOOoooOOOu”. If you know any “basic blonde thots” out there who can do that please introduce me to them, I’d love to meet them.

I’ve even considered breaking up with multiple girl friends because I felt I had stronger feelings for The Boss than my actual significant other (but always stopped myself because that’s a bit extreme). Almost every girlfriend I’ve told about this has broken up with me on the spot, or I’ve had to watch in sorrow as my relationship slowly crumbles after I confess my undying love for The Boss.

Oh God, she’s such an amazing and beautiful person. Her personality is amazing, the way she wears her hair is adorable, and it helps that she always keeps herself in top physical condition for combat. She’s such a loving and caring woman, it makes me want to shoot my seed deep inside her and raise a bunch of little Snakes with her. I don’t care if people find her scars “Disgusting” it’s not her fault she has them, and I’ll love her either way! Oh Boss, why can’t you be real? Why can’t I love you? *sob* Boss… Oh God, Boss.*sob* I’m crying now… why do I always get like this? I love you Boss!*sob* I love you so much! *sob*