This made me think about the days I worked at my local morgue.

I always enjoyed my job, which always excited my fascination of looking at dead people all day. I was making good money and I was a great employee.

However, one thing that made the job fun was being able to take home the body parts from the victims. When nobody was looking I would sneak in my selected body part into my bag and proceed to take it home. If somebody started asking questions, I’d be like, “Oh yeah the body just showed up like that”. Nobody suspected a thing, and I wasn’t gonna allow someone to kink-shame me.

For example, taking home arms with the hands attached ended up being very useful, such as wiping my ass because I got tired of getting shit on my hands after some hardcore explosive diarrhea, or when I had an itch deep in my asshole, so I would let the fingers do the work so my fingers don’t smell like unwashed ass all day. Also, when I had an insane scratch on my back that I couldn’t reach. But the best part was when I got an erection from hell – I let the victim’s hand do all the work, and let me tell ya, messes were made.

Another great body part was the victim’s leg with the foot attached. Sometimes, I liked to shove the victim’s foot in my ass and crawl around on the floor pretending to be a pirate’s peg leg. I also have a foot fetish, so after I pulled it out I would suck on the toes and be in ecstasy.

Out of all the body parts I took home though, the best parts were the penis and the scrotum.

I was a major Star Wars fan, so I would tape the ballsack to my chin and pretend to be an Aqualish. Other times I would tape the penis to my forehead, pretending to be a beautiful unicorn, running around the house and imagining myself shitting rainbows (which always ended in extreme diarrhea, but it was fucking worth it).

Unfortunately, I was forced to quit because I ended up contracting a couple of nasty STDs – but that didn’t stop me. I was willing to do whatever it took to make sure I was having maximum fun and pleasure.

They always say to have a plan B, and my plan B were graveyards.