I’d love to take you out on a nice romantic dinner. You’d wear sexy summer dress and no panties. We would go to your favorite Mexican restaurant, where you would load up on beers, nachos, and beans. After, as we’d stroll under pale moon light, you’d hike up that dress, gently lower that moon hole into a glimmering reflection of Luna gracing the surface of a deep puddle… and release a magnitude 9.8 fart quake, just deep enough to create a mini-tsunami that will decimate a nearby ant hill. As you lift up that water-dripping trumpet tip, your lips will meet mine, as we share the first of our many kisses.

Can’t wait for you to meet my mom.