I hate Golbat so much.

I hate Golbat with every part of my being. I am the biggest Golbat hater, no one can hate Golbat more than i do.

I have never met a person who has confessed to liking Golbat, i’ve never met a person whose favourite pokémon is Golbat, and i hope it stays that way. Golbat does not deserve to be anyones favourite pokémon. Look at Golbat, then look at me in the eyes and tell me that it’s cute, that it’s cool, that it’s worthy of being anyone’s favourite pokémon. You can’t tell me that it is, because it’s not. It’s ugly, gross and unlikable, just looking at it makes me want to throw up, seeing it fills me with rage, hearing it’s cry makes me sick, i would rather hear the sound of nails scratching a chalkboard, a fork being scraped on a plate, that super annoying samsung morning alarm that goes like “do do do do do dooo do do do do do doo doooo” you know what alarm i’m talking about. I would rather listen to any of those for hours, for days, even months or years than have to hear the sound of Golbats cry.

And then don’t get me started on the way it looks, why is its mouth that big? Why does it even need a mouth when 95% of its body IS its mouth? Does its tiny little body even have space for a stomach? Does it even have a body? For all we know it could just be a head with wings sprouting out of the side of its face. The inside of its mouth looks like an endless void, is its head hollow? And its teeth, if it eats how is it supposed to chew food with just FOUR fangs? I bet it doesn’t even chew, it just swallows its food whole and it just lives in its mouth void until it needs to shit it out. (Do pokémon even need to do such acts of “business”? Or could their food just convert into energy to use their attacks..?) Then its little legs, considering the size of the rest of it’s body/head would its legs even be able to hold its body up? Would it even be able to pick up objects with its feet? It looks like picking up things would be as annoying as trying to win a toy out of those extremely rigged claw machines that are never able to hold the toy for more than a second before dropping it. How would it even balance standing on those legs if its wings were to get injured and it couldn’t fly?

“What has Golbat ever done to you for you to hate it so much?” You might be wondering? Well allow me to enlighten you, it was around 2015 and i was playing through pokémon alpha sapphire for the first time. I was in a cave and had encountered a pokémon, it was Golbat. I ran from the battle as i had already caught one and didn’t need it for my pokedex. Plus i had places to be, a story to continue, a world to save (you know, just the usual pokémon plot). Just a few steps later i encountered another pokémon, “i wonder what pokémon it is this time?” I thought to myself, to my surprise it was.. you guessed it, another Golbat. Ran from the battle once again only to encounter more Golbat one after the other, every few steps i took it was just another Golbat encounter.

Constantly hearing its cry and seeing it appear on my 3DS screen for the entire journey through the cave, rolling my eyes and angrily sighing every time i encountered a pokémon just KNOWING it was going to be another Golbat. And it was, everytime. It was always Golbat. Fuck you Golbat. Stepping out of that cave i gained the strongest hatred for Golbat possible. I would dread going into caves throughout my entire alpha sapphire playthrough, as far as i remember there was never one cave i went through where i didn’t encounter a Golbat. I hated caves in pokémon. I still hate Golbat to this day. I still hate caves in pokémon to this day.

I’m currently playing through pokémon let’s go pikachu and navigating through a cave and seeing a Golbat suddenly spawn in front of me is horrifying, i’m running away from it like my life depends on it. I can’t stand seeing Golbat, i hate it so much. I wish i could obliterate the entire population of Golbat which includes its evolutions too. I don’t hate its evolutions, but because Zubat and Crobat are from the same evolution line as Golbat they must be obliterated from existence too to completely ensure the Golbat population is wiped out once and for all. Whatever it takes to wipe Golbat out of existence. I hate Golbat.