ik most of it is based off of how he is in fan content and then shit my brain decides is real bc im bad at compartmentalising but i literally love him with all my heart and i just need to gush for a bit bc im nd and my brain wont stfu until i spew my thoughts out somewhere and hit post as if anyone is gonna read such a huge ramble 💀.

to begin, i just fucking love how layered he is and even though it isnt made explicitly clear and most of it being actually shown comes from fancomics and stories and stuff but its not that big a leap to think his snarky, lazy demeanor is masking some severe depression and trauma from the situation hes in, and its one that i choose to take. It gives me such a drive to see and make fanfic and art and maybe some comics or something bc they expose so little of his character but also in a way that leads most peoples imaginations down really similar paths and it just makes me wanna fill in the blanks and like,, get to knoe him better?!?!?! 😭😭.

also, im pretty sure he was one of my first sexual awakenings, not in the weird way but like 11 year old me was realisng some things about himself bc of that skeleton ill leave it at that lmfao

i know people rag on fanon sans a lot for being dramatic and too emotional and stuff but i really just cant look at it that way bc hes such a very specific brand of character that seeing him sob into pap’s arms in something like Handplates or some other comic feels oddly cathartic bc of all this shit ive decided in my own mind about how he uses humour as a wall to keep people at a distance and doesnt show his emotions or be vulnerable because he knows it would be for nothing and attatchments would only bring him pain in his situation so seeing him cry is like “yeah baby let it out let those tears out you deserve to feel :(” and idk its also like “yeah good he isnt riddled with toxic masculinity and isnt affraid to cry and seek comfort when things get REALLY bad” which i find refreshing bc guys just dont rlly SOB and hug and shit in most media yk? most of it just seems really in touch with how is actual character would be logically if they fleshed him out more and like him breaking down every so often from the weight of knowing everything is controlled by outside forces and not being able to tell anyone and obviously the trauma of seeing everyone you love die probably countless times would illicit that sort of meltdown from time to time – even tho the amount of fanworks depicting something like that is kinda oversaturated bc i dont think it would happen THAT often around other people i just like it lol.

(sansby brainrot coming up dont read if you dont wanna lmao its pointless) and in my brain i wish there was like a spinoff show or something that focused on deconstructing his character and like he starts off in that kinda numb, depressive state and just isnt in a bad place and is passing out at grillby’s every night and then eventually they get a thing going and grillby is there for him when hes having hard times and wants to know why and tries for ages to get it out of him bc hes hurting and getting it off his chest and eventually sans would cave and tell him and grillby would take it better and be the strong one for the 2 of them and continue to help sans and heal his scars and comforts him and its nice and it gives me outlets to think about the emotional and philosophical implications of being in that situation bc i like domestic stuff that deals with issues i can relate to and they fit into that mould <3

n e ways i love him and its 6am but i still probably wont be able to sleep bc im in like a frantic state or somethng abt him bc its been like 3/4 years since ive actually sat down and taken in undertale and im definitely more articulate in my thoughts and im actually kinda able to think about WHY i like things and its overwhelming me <3