This is easily the worst game I have ever played or seen, allow me to explain why.


I downloaded this game because I never learnt how bhopping worked and wanted to learn, and if this is it then this game has forever ruined even just the idea of bhopping for me. As soon as you open the game you are greeted with the loudest, most annoying song I have ever heard (which loops unendingly), and as someone who regularly listens to music that makes my ears bleed and like it, that’s saying something. So of course your first obstacle is to stop the music, but that’s the worst part because I spent six ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ minutes doing so. It’s M by the way, for some ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ reason it’s nowhere to be seen in the settings. Speaking of settings, they reset every time you close and re-open the game except for your fov, which by the way is set to 0 by default and can go up to 150 which will make the game unplayable. Also, on the topic of fov, it has not one, not two, not three and not four but five decimal places, and no, you cannot type in a custom number yourself. Now, let’s talk about the main menu. Your options are Singleplayer, Multiplayer, Murf, SCUFFED SEASON PASS, MLG EXPANSION, DROPPER EXPANSION, Inventory, and Settings. Notice the ones that stick out a bit? All dlc. There’s also Zombies (sep) and Reward Tree (sep) but you can’t click on them, why show them you might ask? Who the ♥♥♥♥ knows. But let’s talk about the game. Assuming that you changed your fov off zero and found a way to mute the music, you will now notice the armless hands and knife that block three fourths of your screen. But thankfully there’s a way to remove the hands in settings. … Ticking this box will only remove the hands. It leaves the knife. Speaking of the knife, it has two animations which consist of bad and worse, you can press f to do what I think is the player looking at the knife except in the most lazy way you can imagine, and the second animation happens when you left click which does an animation that looks almost identical to pressing F but is somehow worse. But finally the controls, imagine every ice level in a game ever, now times them all together and add an instantly noticeable 200 to 300ms delay. That’s what all movement in this game is like. For jumping it’s like you’re on the moon, but add ice. After doing some research I found that bhopping in this “game” is nothing like it is in Quake’s movement system where I believe it originated. To quote an article from esportstalk.com “The way Quake’s movement system works is that when you press the W key to move forward, you accelerate to a maximum velocity, and you can’t go any faster than that. However, when you turn a corner or strafe, you’re pushed past the speed limit, while turning the camera with the strafe makes the player go even faster.” Quite complex right? Well in \*NEW\* EPIC SCUFFED BHOP SIMULATOR 2023 (POGCHAMP), you mash A and D and go faster. That is all. I’d also like to mention that once you enter a level you cannot leave, not esc, not M, not Backspace, you just wait and hope that it sends you out of the level. Or use Alt + f4. Or wait for the game to crash. Speaking of which, if you mute the music with M then go into settings the game will crash. For some reason.


In short, keep your distance from this game and any puddle drinking moron who thinks it’s good. Have a blessed day.