Dear Unflaired,

You useless piece of shit. You absolute waste of space and air. You uneducated, ignorant, idiotic dumb swine, you’re an absolute embarrassment to humanity and all life as a whole.

The magnitude of your failure just now is so indescribably massive that one hundred years into the future your name will be used as moniker of evil for heretics. Even if all of humanity put together their collective intelligence there is no conceivable way they could have thought up a way to fuck up on the unimaginable scale you just did.

When Jesus died for our sins, he must not have seen the sacrilegious act we just witnessed you performing, because if he did he would have forsaken humanity long ago so that your birth may have never become reality.

After you die, your skeleton will be displayed in a museum after being scientifically researched so that all future generations may learn not to generate your bone structure, because every tiny detail anyone may have in common with you degrades them to a useless piece of trash and a burden to society.

No wonder your father questioned whether or not your were truly his son, for you’d have to not be a waste of carbon matter for anyone to love you like a family member.

T
I just downvoted your comment.

I just downvoted your comment.

# FAQ

Somebody actually seriously fucking posted this in response to the Navy Seals pasta and I’m fucking dying

I’m here all weekend – come on ya fuckin punk ass swimmer 🙄 I’ll be waiting on ya – I’ll be waiting on your punk ass – wait matter of fact give me your address I’ll come to wherever you are and give you a chance to make good on your promises since I know you won’t actually come here me Navy SEAL lol what BUDS class were you in bitch? See you’re talking to an Army Ranger – RSC 13-2 – I’ve ACTUALLY been on clandestine missions – I’ve ACTUALLY been in gunfights – and on the 1% chance that you’re ACTUALLY a buds graduate I’ll tell you RQRF in the korangal – we were saving baby seals on a daily basis because they have no fucking idea what to do when bullets start flying the other direction – so no – I’m not worried about you – the USMC is still using gulf war hand me downs so you’re saying your equipment is dated and sporting extensive wear and tear? Annnndddd no need to involve your top secret lies I mean spies whoops – cuzzzzz I just told you and the internet where I live – you can come here or give me your address and I’ll come there – either way 😊

EDIT: Here was his response to being told it was a copypasta, for your viewing pleasure.

If your doctor spoke like Trump

If Your Doctor Spoke Like Trump

So it seems you’ve tested positive for the Chinese virus, the so-called Covid NINETEEN, the Corona—nobody knows what to call it, quite frankly. It’s the most amazing thing, no one knew anything about Corona until a few weeks ago.

But the moment I heard about it—the Wuhan flu; it’s also the Wuhan, or WuHAAN—that’s a city in China. Many people don’t know that. But the moment I heard about this Chinese flu, I ordered a test. And it’s an amazing test. We do better testing than anywhere in the world. Some say the Germans have the best tests, but they don’t. Our tests are even better.

So you’re positive for Corona. And usually “positive” is a positive word—it’s a very good word, frankly. Everybody thinks it’s good, apart from what you hear on the news—which is fake. It’s largely fake. But in medicine, “positive” is not so good. So it’s very confusing. And I’ve always been very clear about that. Some say “positive” is always good, but I’ve never agreed with that.

So you’re positive for the Corona. But you’ll be fine. Totally fine. You might think you’re going to die—and everybody does die, eventually. But you’ll be fine. You feel fine, right? You won’t need a ventilator. There are no ventilators—but you won’t need one.

How old are you, 55? You won’t need one. Some people need a ventilator, and they’re amazing machines. Did you know the first ventilator was made by Henry Ford? It’s an incredible piece of equipment. But you’ll be fine.

The virus gets into your lungs, which is where you breathe. But you have two of them. Some say you have a spare. Some people only have one lung. It’s true. But I don’t talk about spares. I always want both. Given a choice, I want two lungs.

So I’ve asked nurse—what’s your name, Nancy?—I’ve asked nurse Nancy to keep you comfortable. And Nancy is one of our finest nurses. I mean, just look at her. Incredible, right? Nancy, you’re really incredible. You’re not afraid of Corona, are you, the Chinese Plague? I didn’t think so. Nancy will bring you whatever you need. And if you start coughing, do that into your elbow, so you don’t make a mess. Okay, you’re doing great. I’ll see you later.

Edit/live update:

“You can call it a germ. You can call it a flu. You can call it a virus. You can call it many different names. I’m not sure anybody even knows what it is.”

Donald Trump on March 27, 2020.

I don’t know what copypasta means – I don’t know what doxxed yourself means – does not knowing these definitions make me a dumbass moron? What’s your address and I’ll come show you what a real SOF guy is capable of – you threaten my life you little stolen valor fuck brick? Navy SEAL give me a goddamn break you fucking retard – if you grow a set and decide you wanna tie asses with me just come knock on my door – I didn’t do a fucking thing to you people but share a video of a cat – period – if you wanna threaten my life over that be prepared for the consequences – I’m not on here looking for trouble if I was then why would I post a video of a cat on a cat video sub? God almighty and I only posted it here because my woman told me to – I’d never heard of this sub – had I known making a cute pun including the cats name would yield such backlash from faggot ass frenchy stolen valor pukes and broke dick hadji wan kenobis id have just not posted it – I thought the members of this sub would enjoy this video – so I shared it – you wanna use it as a platform to threaten my life and wellbeing?

AITA for accidentally pushing innocent classmate by trying to tackle school shooter?

AITA for accidentally pushing classmate by trying to tackle school shooter?

So I was in English class when I noticed the quiet kid starting to sweat a lot, whispering to himself and get all fidgety. Now I’m no psychiatrist, but I swear I got a vision of him getting a gun and opening fire right there in the classroom, kind of like that one movie where they all die in the end. So I start paying close attention to him.

15 minutes go by, and what do you know, he reaches for his bag and pulls out a gun. Before he even gets the chance of firing the first bullet, I rush to tackle him. I honestly wasn’t thinking straight. Looking back, I guess I just didn’t want anyone to be killed or something, I couldn’t stand losing anyone of my classmates.

The problem was, I accidentally slightly pushed back an innocent classmate who was in between the shooter and me by trying to tackle the shooter. I instantly felt bad but kept the plan of bringing the shooter to the ground before he could kill anyone.

Even though I succeeded in disarming him, I still felt bad. When everyone was thanking me and chanting my name while the cops arrested the shooter, all I could think of was how I accidentally pushed him. I told my volunteering group and the burned victims at the hospital I visit every single day and they all agree I did nothing wrong. I even spoke with the HIV kids after dressing like Spiderman and giving them toys and they agreed I did nothing wrong.

The ending of WWII was AWFUL

So am I the only one upset about how WWII ended? I mean they built Hitler up to be the big bad and just when he is about to face justice, he goes and kills himself. WTF was the point of him if FDR and Churchill were not going to fight him in an epic duel to save the world? And don’t get me started on FDR! They just kill him half way through the war. Truman totally did not deserve to win the war, his character arc was not about war winning. And it certainly wasn’t about destroying two cities with bullshit deus ex super weapons that came out of no where.

And another thing that pissed me off is that in the last episode of the war we find out that Stalin was a bad guy the entire time! Where was this foreshadowed to us? WTF, absolute character assassination. He was all about freeing the oppressed and bringing about a new system that wasn’t shackling the poor and they made him a dictator? That is bullshit!

Anyways, WWII was cool but its end was absolutely trash and I would like you guys to sign a petition to have it rewritten.

I spoke to him 3 days later after clearing my mind a little bit and he said, “Are you kidding me? You saved my life! I can’t believe you feel bad about it. We all owe you, especially me after you revived my dad with CPR last year. I barely felt the hit”.

I’m just confused… AITA?

I will crush your fucking windpipe you little coward – so either roll up or tell me where I’m rolling to or you just prove you’re a coward that’s all talk

## What does this mean?

The amount of karma (points) on your comment and Reddit account has decreased by one.

## Why did you do this?

There are several reasons I may deem a comment to be unworthy of positive or neutral karma. These include, but are not limited to:

* Rudeness towards other Redditors,
* Spreading incorrect information,
* Sarcasm not correctly flagged with a `/s`.


MY CAT DIED, POKIMANE DIDNT SAY MY NAME AFTER A 1000$ DONATION AND THEN MY FAMILY AND I DIED IN A CAR CRASH, CAN THIS GET 20,000 UPDOOTS AN F AND REDDIT GOLD?

Sorry for my bad english. Also I’m typing on mobile, if im make any spelling mistakes im sorry.

So i was browsing reddit. i did my daily deed by creating my 420th account to downvote EA’s comment about microtransactions (EPIC). and then i saw a hilarious meme about dying in a car crash on r/dankmemes. i decided to try it out. So me, being the typical redditor decided to take my wife and children with me (SPOILER, THIS WAS A MISTAKE). Not with standing, we were in the car and saw a big truck. Now i’m a fan of big trucks, let me tell you, but the driver was clearly an insta normie. We crashed into the truck going 250 mph. My wife was vaporised immediately. The car flipped 69 times (nice). Cum, everywhere. My cock and balls, tortured. My reddit gold, gone. r/wooosh. now you might have noticed the truck driver has uploaded this accident on r/watchpeopledie after committing 4 counts of vehicular manslaughter. This guy is a repeat offender when it comes to reposting. I could name several instances in which he reposted in r/blursedimages and r/aww. Typically he reigns in 20% karma gains as compared to the original posts. This is outrageous. But what is more outrageous is this man, this normie decides to repost on to instagram! Unforgivable! Onto his instagram account, i have noticed several posts causing me to believe he is a boomer! Not just this, but a simp! He supports the orange man and kills children! To relieve my stress after this scarring incident, I decided to donate my life savings to pokemane. Now this bitch, didn’t even say my name! I cant believe this! And then, to top it all off, after uploading my cat to r/chonkers HE DIES! It was right after his 12th meal of the day, so at least he died happily. Could it be the cat food? Has anyone else experienced this? After my cat dying i asked my crush out and she said no! My wifes boyfriend called me a cuck and insulted my neckbeard. I was sad. I covered my tears with my fedora. “M’lady”, i whispered, “please forgive me, i have failed you”. After this i went onto r/pewdiepiesubmissions to defend a woman being bullied by evil men. They called me a simp, but i knew that i was actually a protector of the female gender from the patriarchy!

TLDR: Keanu chungus updoot raid reddit gold platinum UWU wholesome what are your greatest cumshots OWO r/whoosh r/pewdiepiesubmissions r/incel r/funny r/AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA r/askreddit r/incel r/funny r/AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA r/askreddit

Edit 1: Thank you for the gold, kind stranger!

Edit 2: WOW! My first platinum? Incredible!

Edit 3: 69 thousand updoots? We did it reddit!

Edit 4: Keanu would be proud! Thank you!

Edit 5: WOW! 100 thousand upvotes! I came!!!!

Edit 6: Incredible! The amount of upvotes I have is almost as many murders as I have committed in Syria!

Update 1: I am in jail due to my war crimes in Syria. AMA

## Am I banned from the Reddit?

No – not yet. But you should refrain from making comments like this in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to issue an additional downvote, which may put your commenting and posting privileges in jeopardy.

## I don’t believe my comment deserved a downvote. Can you un-downvote it?

Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I undo a downvote. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot me a private message explaining what I got wrong. I tend to respond to Reddit PMs within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of downvote appeals are rejected, and yours is likely no exception.

## How can I prevent this from happening in the future?

Accept the downvote and move on. But learn from this mistake: your behavior will not be tolerated on Reddit.com. I will continue to issue downvotes until you improve your conduct. Remember: Reddit is privilege, not a right.

Your birth made it so that mankind is worse off in every way you can possibly imagine, and you have made it so that society can never really recover any state of organization. Everything has forever fallen into a bewildering chaos, through which unrecognizable core, you can only find misfortune.

I would say the apocalypse is upon us but this is merely the closest word humans have for the sheer scale of horror that is now reality. You have forever condemned everyone you love and know into an eternal state of suffering, worse than any human concept of hell.

You are such an unholy being, that if you step within a one hundred foot radius of a holy place or a place that has ever been deemed important by anyone, your distorted religious soul will ruin whatever meaning it ever had beyond repair.

You are an idiotic, shiteating, dumbass ape and no one has ever loved you. You are a lying, backstabbing, cowardly useless piece of shit and I hate you with every single part of my being.

Even this world’s finest writers and poets from throughout the ages could never hope to accurately describe the scale on which you just fucked up, and how incredibly idiotic you are.

Anyone that believes in any religion out there should now realize that they have been wrong this entire time, for if divine beings were real, they would never have allowed a being such as you to stain the earth and this universe.

In the future there will be horror stories made about you, with the scariest part of them being that the reader has to realize that such an indescribable monster actually exists, and that the horrific events from the movie have actually taken place in the same world that they live in right now.

You are the absolute embodiment of everything that has ever been wrong on this earth, yet even that would only represent a small part of your evil. Never in the history of mankind has there been anyone that could have predicted such an abomination, but here you are.

It’s hard to believe that I am seeing such an incredible failure with my own eyes, but here I am, so unfortunately I cannot deny your existence. Even if I did my very best, my vocabulary is not able to describe the sheer magnitude of the idiotic mistake that is you.

Even if time travel some day will be invented, there still would not be a single soul willing to go back in time to this moment to fix history, because having to witness such incredible horrors would have too many mental and physical drawbacks that not even the bravest soul in history would be willing to risk it.

I cannot imagine the pure dread your mother must have felt when she had to carry a baby for nine months and then giving birth to such a wretched monster as you. Not a single word of the incoherent, illogical rambling you may be wanting to do to defend yourself or apologize would ever be able to make up for what you just did.

The countries of the world would have wanted to make laws preventing such a terrible event like this from ever happening again, but sadly this is not possible since your horrific actions just now have shattered every form of order this world once had, making concepts such as laws irrelevant.

Right from the moment I first set my eyes on you I knew you were an absolute abomination of everything that is wrong with humanity. I was hoping I would have been able to prevent your evil from being released upon this world by tagging along and keeping my eye on you, but it is clear to me now that not even the greatest efforts would have been able to prevent a terrible event in this scale from occurring.

You are the worst human being, or even just being in general, that I have ever had the misfortune of witnessing. Events like the Black Death and the Smallpox pandemic only happened with the goal of preparing humanity to survive such a horrible event as the one you just created, but not even mankind’s greatest trials were able to even slightly prepare anyone for the insufferable evil you have just created.

If you ever had them, your children would be preemptively killed to protect this universe from the possibility of anyone in your bloodline being even half as bad as you are, except you will never be able to have children, because not a single human being will ever want to come within a hundred mile radius of you and anything you have ever touched.

You are a colossal disappointment not only to your parents, but to your ancestors and entire bloodline. The disgusting mistake that you have just made is so incredibly terrible that everyone who would ever be to hear about it would spontaneously feel an indescribable mixture of immense anger, fear and anxiety that emotionally and physically they would never truly be the same ever again.

The sheer scale of your mistake, if ever to be materialized, would not only surpass the size of the world, but it would reach far beyond the edges of the known, and almost certainly the unknown universe.

I could sit here and write paragraphs, nay, books describing your immense failure, yet even if I were to dedicate my life to describing the reality of what has just gone down here, and I would spend every moment of it until my heart stops beating, working as hard and efficiently as possible, there is not even a snowballs chance in hell that I would be able to come close to transcribing the absolute shitshow you have just released upon the world.

When people of Columbia fought to break free from Lungmen, countless soldiers fought and lost their lives in favor of a chance at a better future for their children, they did not give their lives to have you fuck the world up beyond repair to the degree that you are doing right now. Honestly, even when technology advances and studies on the subject become more and more accurate, I do not think humanity will ever truly be able to understand what your failure actually means for the universe.

My hate for you and everything you stand for is so much deeper than the depths of Shambala that you could probably take the entire Lungmen population down there and back up around twenty million times before you would have sunk to the end of my hate, and honestly, I do not want to exaggerate, but I think that that insult was low balling it such a massive amount that all mountains in this world combined would not be able to stack up to this imprecise judgement in light of the fact that, when being honest, my hate is almost certainly bottomless.

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Faucibus nisl tincidunt eget nullam non nisi est sit. Sit amet mattis vulputate enim nulla aliquet. Justo laoreet sit amet cursus sit amet dictum sit. Egestas erat imperdiet sed euismod nisi porta lorem. Elementum facilisis leo vel fringilla est ullamcorper eget nulla. Tortor dignissim convallis aenean et. Gravida cum sociis natoque penatibus et. Gravida dictum fusce ut placerat orci nulla pellentesque dignissim enim. Egestas sed sed risus pretium quam vulputate dignissim suspendisse in. Maecenas ultricies mi eget mauris pharetra. Et sollicitudin ac orci phasellus egestas. Tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac. Donec ac odio tempor orci dapibus ultrices in iaculis nunc.

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I fucking hate gaming laptops.

Today when I walked into my economics class I saw something I dread every time I close my eyes. Someone had brought their new gaming laptop to class. The Forklift he used to bring it was still running idle at the back. I started sweating as I sat down and gazed over at the 700lb beast that was his laptop. He had already reinforced his desk with steel support beams and was in the process of finding an outlet for a power cable thicker than Amy Schumer’s thigh. I start shaking. I keep telling myself I’m going to be alright and that there’s nothing to worry about. He somehow finds a fucking outlet. Tears are running down my cheeks as I send my last texts to my family saying I love them. The teacher starts the lecture, and the student turns his laptop on. The colored lights on his RGB Backlit keyboard flare to life like a nuclear flash, and a deep humming fills my ears and shakes my very soul. The entire city power grid goes dark. The classroom begins to shake as the massive fans begin to spin. In mere seconds my world has gone from vibrant life, to a dark, earth shattering void where my body is getting torn apart by the 150mph gale force winds and the 500 decibel groan of the cooling fans. As my body finally surrenders, I weep, as my school and my city go under. I fucking hate gaming laptops.

There is no one in this world that has ever loved you, and especially after what you just did, no one will ever love you in the future either. There is no hope that your idiotic behavior and especially your crooked soul will ever change for the better, and in fact quite the opposite might be true.

By making the mistake that you just did, you have shown me that you are so incredibly hopeless that you will only devolve into a more idiotic and wretched creature than you already are. The only possible way in which your future would be brighter than the black hole your existence currently is would be because there is absolutely no conceivable way that you would even be able to sink lower than the pathetic place your current failure has put you in.

But than again, you are so incredibly abominable that you would probably be able to surpass the worst conceivable failure any living being could possibly make. You are so incredibly pathetic that you are honestly not worthy of any more of my words nor my time. Just know that I will forever detest you for your failure and everything you stand for, and that no matter what happens, I will never ever forgive you.
Some girl in our group chat said “meow” and my friend wrote this entire response by hand

Wowwwww, you meow like a cat! That means you are one, right? Shut the fuck up. If you really want to be put on a leash and treated like a domestic animal then that’s called a fetish, not “quirky” or “cute”. What part of you seriously thinks that any part of acting like a feline establishes a reputation of appreciation? Is it your lack of any defining aspect of personality that urges you to resort to shitty representations of cats to create an illusion of meaning in your worthless life? Wearing “cat ears” in the shape of headbands further notes the complete absence of human attribution to your false sense of personality, such as intelligence or charisma in any form or shape. Where do you think this mindset’s gonna lead you?

Every askreddit response

Finally, one I can answer! I literally have never been able to answer any askreddit question in my entire life, and have never posted anything on reddit until this exact moment that is happening right now.

Writing this on mobile, sorry for bad formatting, also english is my 6th language so there might be one wrong word, TLDR at the bottom. Obligatory not a teacher, but my sister’s friend’s stepbrother’s boss’s daughter’s friend’s mom’s cousin’s dog’s breeder’s brother’s coworker’s father’s youtube channel had a comment where some guy talked about a post he saw on tumblr that referenced an instagram post from this one girl who posted on reddit and had a comment where there was this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy’s cousin who was friends with a girl who’s mom was a teacher. Anyways she said that a student one time turned in a meme instead of an essay. Haha!

TL;DR – A student one time turned in a meme instead of an essay. Haha!

Edit: Wow, thank you so much for the upvotes! I’ve never gotten more than 10 before!

Edit 2: WOW! I hit 100 upvotes, thank you guys!

Edit 3: HOLY CRAP! I literally cannot believe this, I got a SILVER AWARD! I would like to personally thank whoever gave me that award!

Edit 4: OMG!!!!! GOLD! Thank you SO SO SO SO Much for the gold, I am literally shaking and crying right now

Edit 5: HOLY MOLY GUACAMOLE I GOT PLATINUM! I cannot thank you enough, this is amazing! I literally am crying of joy right now, I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that someone used their specific amount of currency to purchase an award that was specifically given to me so that my post is shown to have said award!

Edit 6: Speling

Donald Trump also answers the following question: What is 2+2?

“I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, ‘What’s 2+2?’ And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We’ve had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine. Oh my god, I can’t believe it. Addition and subtraction of the 1s the 2s and the 3s. Its terrible. Its just terrible. Look, if you want to know what 2+2 is, do you want to know what 2+2 is? I’ll tell you. First of all the number 2, by the way I love the number 2. It’s probably my favorite number, no it is my favorite number. You know what, it’s probably more like the number two but with a lot of zeros behind it. A lot. If I’m being honest, I mean, if I’m being honest. I like a lot of zeros. Except for Marco Rubio, now he’s a zero that I don’t like. Though, I probably shouldn’t say that. He’s a nice guy but he’s like, ‘10101000101’, on and on, like that. He’s like a computer! You know what I mean? He’s like a computer. I don’t know. I mean, you know. So, we have all these numbers and we can add them and subtract them and add them. TIMES them even. Did you know that? We can times them OR divide them, they don’t tell you that, and I’ll tell you, no one is better at the order of operations than me. You wouldn’t believe it. That I can tell you. So, we’re gonna be the best on 2+2, believe me. OK? Alright. Thank you.” Reporter 1: “But what actually is 2+2?” Trump: “Siddown. No, siddown. I’ve already answered your question. Haven’t I already answered your question. This is what we get from news reporters, folks. Give me a nice question. Yes – you.” Reporter 2: “Is your name Donald Trump?” Trump: “Now that’s a nice question, folks. That’s what I want.”

You think you’re funny, random, quirky even? What makes you think that acting like a fucking cat will make a goddamn hyena laugh? I, personally, feel extremely sympathetic towards you as your only escape from the worthless thing you call your existence is to pretend to be an animal. But it’s not a worthy choice to assert this horrifying fact as a dominant trait, mainly because personality traits require an initial personality to lay their foundation on. You’re not worthy of anybody’s time, so go fuck off, “cat-girl”.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.