This is embarrassing as hell and I’m too ashamed to ask anyone else for advice, so i am coming here to let it all out (pun intended).

I (18f) started to discover that holding my pee feels good back when I was 14/15. I was a very horny teen around that time and i kept doing it until now because it would feel better than orgasms. To me, it was the best thing to ever feel and i would have certain fantasises when id do that which kind of ended up in an addiction (not exactly, but i cannot stop now).The only thing that I wasn’t expecting was it to backfire and quickly lead to me wetting a bit of my panties back when I’d do that. I’d always ignore this when it happened, but the problem had become worse when my mother found my panties. I’m assuming she figured out I’ve been peeing them because of the scent, thought it was because of my bladder and begun interrogating me about it. I tried to reason with her and tell her that I sometimes have leaks (which is half true) and it shouldn’t be a problem, but she’s taking the problem too seriously and thinks that that thing is wrong and “i could always pee myself in public” when I actually do this only when I’m in bed.

Well, no shit, she took the matter in her hands and earlier this June she made an appointment to a neurologist, luckily, we went to the beach before the appointment and I said that the salt water cured me of my problem, which led to her believing this and cancelling the appointment. But I’m still doing it and I want to stop, not because I want to, but because I’m scared my mom will continue to freak out and might actually send me there.

This morning I woke up and I needed to pee, I tried to get up, but I felt like it’s coming out so I held it and I managed to pee my panties and shorts. I changed them and threw them into the drawer then I went and done my needs, but I need to wash them quick because they stink and I don’t want to mom to find them. I think I might’ve damaged my bladder’s ability to hold it. What should I do? Should I tell her? I never told her anything about my sex life and I’m afraid she’s gonna be pissed off at me because I’m doing this for sexual pleasure. I’m already trying to limit the amount of water I’m drinking and go to the bathroom every time I need to go instead of holding it. Please help.

TLDR: I need help because I’m holding my pee for pleasure and sometimes I leak. My mom suspects I have a health issue because of the leaks and I have no idea what to do.