A guy asked for advice on finding happiness and being content with his life and his accomplishments despite feeling that he’s never “reached his goal/achieved his dream,”‘which he didn’t specify what that dream was, but I basically just started telling him how really, nobody can say with any sort of certainty or objectivity whether or not you’ve “won” or “lost” at this game we call life, and so with meaning being essentially a combination that’s based off objectively AND subjectively assessing your own life and therefore can only be reached/achieved if you A.) actually set yourself up with a specific goal to reach/achieve.. and B.) have a goal that is tangible, possible, and quantifiable. If my dream is “I wanna flap my arms and fly like a bird with no technology.. or drugs.. assistance.” Well boo-fuckin-hoo for me, can probably give up on that one right out the gate because it doesn’t adhere to B.) So I think he got the general idea..

At that point, I pretty much said that all that was left to do was keep asking yourself 2 questions:

– Have you reached your goal yet?
– Are you dead yet?

If the answer to #1 is no, then go over what you’ve accomplished so far towards that goal. Then move to #2: Answer: “No?” Then QUIT FUCKIN AROUND and start doing something.. anything, that might get you closer to your goal. Just make sure it’s something you haven’t already done. If you continue that trend and keep trying new things, eventually something is bound to work and get you past where you’ve been stuck. Coincidentally, this answer is also applicable if you find that your answer to #1 is “No.”

And if the answer to #2 is “yes?” Well, that sucks and better luck on the next round of “Will the cosmic forces that be select my specific variation of theoretical-future-dads ball juice containing half your life-essence, spread across millions of potentially autistic warriors, waiting to be skeeted up inside theoretical-future-moms fuzzy fuckbox, all at the correct time for a hoorah to happen in her hooha and allowing one brave warrior to piece the veil and make your essence whole?

OR, unable to gather the necessary half of your essence from your dying brethren, will you fail to pierce the veil and become realized, thus being doomed with the other 99.99% of your failed siblings and subsequently being cast off and disposed of in Davy Jones’ Locker by way of detour-filled toilet ride via drippy-droppy, gravity-induced lady-loogies mixed w/ baby-battered splooge-slop?


If the answer to #1 is yes, then congrats – pick a new goal and get going! Life doesn’t stop when you hit an imaginary finish line that you created in the first place, so as long as the answer to #2 remains “yes,” you’ve got something to do.

Maybe you’re stuck and don’t know how to make any progress towards your goal — that’s when you go back to #2 and remind yourself that you’ve lived through everything you’ve tried so far (I mean, at least I’m assuming so) — maybe it’s time to try something new! Whether that’s possibly something which may or may not affect the answer to #2, who’s to say! But repeating the same ol’ thing you’ve done up until now won’t get you anywhere new or different than your present state, so if you’re not happy with where you’re at currently, then keep reminding yourself to take new chances/risks/etc, until you finally find your footing on a new path towards the next goal.

If the answer to 1 is “no,” but your answer to #2 is also “no,” then I’m sorry to say, but best guess is you got shafted on a celestial scale and now are basically stuck in viewer/passenger-mode, doomed by a roll of the cosmic dice to be worthy of sentience and awareness/pursuit/motivation towards a goal.. but unworthy of a physical presence in the actual world of flesh, instead being relegated to “eyes-only” for the entire duration of whatever half-cocked scrotum-sneeze variety of you is next to come out in your place, for as long as they manage to keep the reins and modern technology + modern medicine creating a very real possibility that you could very well
get stuck being forced to watch You 2.0 (beta) drift through centuries of a boring, risk-averse hermit with low genetic risk factors and essentially non-existent threats to mortality coming from external sources..

By the time you get the reins back, you may not even want to/know how to drive anymore. The fire could very well be extinguished. That’s why you’ve gotta burn bright as hell while you’ve got the chance.. Don’t let them forget and prove that you belong at the helm; that you’re worthy of the drivers seat and not deserving of being passenger among the cosmic soup that constitutes the millions of theoretical yous.

Unless you believe in religion or something.. Cause really, FUCK religion and 98% of people that claim to be a part of 80%+ of the various religions on Earth. Cause really, with most religions, before you even get anywhere in life, you’re basically already fucked because angry sky fairy made rules that say you must obey rules because he made them and he’s perfect and he also made you so he said “don’t” but you “did” which he already knew because God but you still broke rules so now you burn in Hell for a period of time that’s literally incomprehensible to our brains; ‘eternity’ is totally a 100% fair & equal punishment for dropping’ F-bombs at grandmas and also dickin’ down the neighbor and like maybe also your best friends sister.. maybe every weekend even so clearly Hellfire melting your flesh, slowly inflicting one of the most excruciating and horrifying physicals pains/afflictions that can befall an individual.. but like.. non-stop, without death to end the pain & no sort of healing at all.. just continuous flames on skin, liquifying your exterior until your blood boils and organs expand till they explode inside you, as the effects of gravity become evident and you notice the sensation of your bones slowly making their way downward, falling out of the scorched-but-still-ablaze gelatinous puddle-blob that is now your body, literally only being propped-up/kept physically present by some cosmic/celestial force that can bend space time, create matter from nothing, end or create species, and literally do anything theoretically imaginable that exists within the entirety of space-time, having control & knowledge over all that has, is, or will ever happen…. and also here’s a book that’s written like a collection of psychopathic/schizophrenic/literal-retarded-penguin with a brain tumor’s fever-dreams & one-off thought-tangents, that were then combed through by pseudo-intellectuals with serious faux-morality complexes,
who then realized that nobody who had been or would be born at that time was smart enough to question the innumerable flaws/plot holes/contradictions/downright fucked-up shit that’s indisputably on-par with (or even, arguably, like “legitimately maddening-due-to-how-blatantly-fucking-obvious-this-shit-is-clearly-man-made-but-nobody-mentions-it-because-“that-would-be-questioning-the-word-of-God”-even-though-it-literally-was-just-pointed-out-that-it-was-written-by-humans-not-God-so-half-the-population-is-stuck-in-some-batshit-insane-Catch22-contradictory-loop-where-they’re-incapable-of-pointing-out-the-Bible-and-God-being-fake-because-the-Bible-and-God-said-‘not-to-call-the-Bible-or-God-fake’-because-the-Bible-says-God-says-not-to-like-he-wrote-in-the-Bible-even-though-the-Bible-is-fake-but-you-can’t-say-that-“the-Bible-is-fake”-because-the-Bible-said-God-said-not-to-in-the-Bible-where-it-says-God-said-that-which-is-also-fake-since-God-is-fake-but-because-of-God-also-saying-you-can’t-say-“God-is-fake”-and-you-also-can’t-say-“the-Bible-fake”-then-obviously-its-best-to-just-disassociate-from-reality-and-basic-logic-and-instead-have-massively-complex-mental/psychological-concoctions-of-hideous-and-hateful-and-arrogant-and-selfish-and-close-minded-and-ignorant-and-remorseless-and-elitist-and-basically-childish-levels-of-willful-obliviousness-that-results-in-a-lack-of-brain-activity-that-registers-or-is-even-capable-of-processing-self-awareness-or-critical-thinking-with-even-the/slightest-possibility-or-capability-of-pulling-your-conscious-thought-stream-out-from-your-cognitive-equivalent-of-your-brains-asshole-which-has-you-eating-a-constant-endless-supply-of-brainshit-sandwiches-that-traps-your-sentience-and-usually-most-or-all-of-your-humanity-within-these-cognitively-deadening-loops-of-permanently-flawed-consciousness-at-all-times-until-you-fry-your-brain-so-badly-that-you-literally-become-stupid-enough-that-you-can-only-acknowledge-information-as-truly-existing-or-occurring-within-your-forced-reality-if-it-positively-reaffirms-and-conforms-to-the-Bible-which-contains-the-answer-to-all-questions-except-for-the-ones-that-you-aren’t-allowed-to-ask-about-because-since-they-aren’t-discussed-in-the-Bible-then-they-must-be-the-words-and-ideas-of-Satan-or-somehow-be-related-to-Satan-and-sinning-and-deserving-of-Eternal-Hellfire-and-definitely-not-gaps-of-unexplained-or-uncovered-or-outright-incorrect-and-now-accepted-as-impossible-events-or-other-knowledge-that-wasn’t-discovered-or-acquired-until-after-the-Bible-was-written-even-though-the-Bible-exists-as-the-exact-words-from-God-as-if-God-physically-wrote-it-onto-each-and-every-page-and-God-knows-everything-in-the-past,-present-or-future-but-for-some-reason-just-decided-that-modern-history-and-science-discoveries-or-inventions-that-contradict-Biblical-passages-or-simply-offer-scientifically-and-objectively-determined-causes-and-explanations-for-occurrences-items-beliefs-or-anything-else-that-the-Bible-provided-different-and-incorrect-information-regarding-is-because-****insert some vague, ambiguous, likely non-answering answer that only further calls God’s ‘omnipotence,’ ‘all-knowing,’ and ‘all-powerful’ alleged attributes into even further scrutiny/questioning/doubt, its literal very-existence being indicative/representative of the fictitious nature of such claimed attributes****and—also-because-obviously-it-wasn’t-stuff-that-was-important-enough-to-include-and-but-also-there-isn’t-going-to-be-an-updated-Bible-2.0-despite-God-allegedly-possessing-the-ability-to-‘poof’-a-Bible2.0-into-existence-with-zero-effort-or-simply-correct-and-update-all-existing-Bibles-or-wipe-everyone’s-memory-so-they-only-remember-and-perceive-information-in-the-Bible-as-equating-to-objective-truth-without-even-having-to-lift-a-finger-but-instead-the-obvious-God-like-choice-is-to-just-stand-behind-coming-across-as-14th-century-peasant-raised-by-wolves-attempting-to-explain-how-the-world-works-and-when-mistakes-are-pointed-out-they-respond-by-claiming-the-mistake-to-be-intentional-and-creating-an-alternate-story-or-reality-existing-around-the-mistake-that-explains-how-the-mistakes-might-appear-to-be-what-it-is-and-looks-like-and-means-what-it-means-but-it-actually-means-something-completely-different-that-can-only-be-loosely-related-or-tangentially-connected-to-whatever-is-being-claimed-by-ignoring-facts-or-reason-or-logic-or-common-sense-or-time-or-the-past-or-sounds-or-how-things-look-and/what-they-and-obviously-everyone-knows-that-you-can’t-trust-any-of-that-stuff-that-was-said-before-in-the-past-assuming-I-say-something-else-in-the-present-that-defies-it—and-it-only-works-one-direction-concerning-whatever-is-being-discussed-at-that-time-and-just-because-something-is-claimed-as-the-“God-given-truth”-and-the-next-week-the-opposite-is-claimed-as-“Gods-given-truth,”-it-doesn’t-mean-one-of-those-claims-was-incorrect-but-rather-both-are-correct-if-that-makes-you-right-or-incorrect-if-you-want-the-opposite-to-be-right-now-after-you-got-caught-diddling-little-kids-and-need-to-prove-that-all-gays-and-sodomites-and-rock&roll-musicians-should-be-sent-to-hell-for-eternity-which-is-100%-still-right-and-true-but-that-it-isnt-applicable-to-your-situation-just-because-you-“stuck-your-wang-into-10-different-little-boys’-thangs”-as-according-to-your-journal-is-what-you-called-your-quote-“fully-deliberate-and-100%-intentional-decisions-to-physically-carry-out-the-act-of-having-my-penis-enter-their-10-year-old-little/boy-assholes-often-and-repeatedly-while-listening-to-Metallica-or-sometimes-Iron-Maiden-depending-on-how-homoerotic-I-Mr.-Firstname-Lastname-was-feeling-at-the-time”-and-to-make-sure-that-quote-“if-I-get-caught-be-sure-to-entirely-disregard-and-ignore/any-comments-that-I-might-try-to-make-in-any-future-attempts-to-dispute-or-deny-that-I-enjoy-doing-this-regularly-and-willfully-because-I’m-a-massive-file-of-flaming-pedophile-shit-nuggets-covered-with-ball-cheese-and-toenail-clippings-and-religion-has-provided-the-literal-absolute-best-circumstances-and-relationship-or-role-power-dynamics-circumstances-to-optimally-manipulate-condition-and-scare-children-into-almost-always-feeling-powerless-and-voiceless-so-adults-are-free-to-rape-children-with-near-impunity-and-discretion-from-fear-of-indifference-or-outright-rejection-due-to-nobody-believing-them-and-using-the-Church-as-undeniable-proof-proclaiming-and-attesting-to-the-supposed-high-moral-quality-and-caliber-of-the-adult-since-sitting-thru-Church-makes-you-100%-free-from-sin-no-matter-what-you-do-since-everyone-knows/thats-how-religion-works-and-just-look-at-how-great-your-wife-and-two-kids-are-especially-because-both-of-your-kids-have-never-been-raped-by-you-so-clearly-you-cant-have-raped-anyone-else-since-pedophiles-cant-physically-resist-raping-whatever-children-are-closest-to-them-like-some-sort-of-kiddydiddling-magnet-and-so-he-would-have-raped-both-his-kids-by-now-which-his-the-pastor-confirmed-as-not-being-the-case-since-they-would-have-told-the-pastor-about-it-at-least-one-of-the-times-he-was-raping-them-especially-because-the-kids-learned-early-on-that-the-pastor-is-the-only-person-you-can-tell-about-someone-raping-you-so-that-way-they-can-figure-out-how-to-either-get-that-person-locked-up-and-removed-from-the-kids-lives-so-that-he-doesn’t-have-rape-competition-and-the-headache-of-figuring-out-which-days-are-better-rape-days-than-others-that-someone-else-already-raped-on-etc-or-they-can-figure-out-their-second-option-and-try-to-locate-and-communicate-with-the-other-rapist-to-hopefully-discover-mutual-rape-interests-and-preferences-that-they-can-bond-over-and-provide-the-kid(s)-with-a-stable-functional-and-consistent-rape-environment-to-reduce-any-unwanted-attention-or-healthy-emotional-bonds-with-anyone-else-who-they-might-confide-in-instead-of-repressing-and-emotionally-bottling-up-all-their-hatred-anger-and-sadness-until-it-can-be-released-on-the-world-likely-in-the-form-of-misguided-loathing-and-attacks-against-an-unrelated-and-likely-emotionally-unhealthy-outlet-for-emotional-baggage-that’s-been building-up-but-is-buried-far-too-deep-under-years-of-trauma-and-abuse-that-has-slowly-been-shaping-their-personality-traits-and-characteristics-to-the-point-that-they-will-most-likely-remain-broken-for-the-remainder-of-their-lives-and-likely-be-doomed-to-either-repeat-and-parrot-the-behavior-thus-allowing-it-to-infect-another-generation-or-simply-being-so-damaged-and-ineffectual-as-healthy-functioning-person-that-they-ultimately-perpetuate-some-other-form-of-mental-illness-or-other-detrimental-psychological-states-and-conditions-resulting-in-more-broken-adults-to-create-more-broken-kids-to-create-more-broken-adults-to-create-more-kids-and-so-on-and-on-it-goes-ad-infinitum-with-only-a-small-percentage-of-any-given-generation-or-group-of-victims-finding-a-healthy-and-successful-way-to-not-just-escape-the-cycle-of-abuse-for-good-but-also-continue-on-to-live-a-meaningful-and-healthy-life-in-which-they’re-able-to-raise-the-next-generation-in-a-way-that-instills-healthy-values-and-proper-skills-and-behaviors-that-prevents-abuse-and-ultimately-stops-what-is-likely-a-decades-or-even-centuries’-old-branching-tree-of-abuse-begetting-abuse-with-no-end-in-sight-and-the-very-real-possibility-for-each-subsequent-generation-to-cross-a-line-or-inflict-damage-that-spills-over-into-others-lives-or-goes-to-a-place-that-simply-cannot-be-returned-from-without-the-very-same-efforts-and-resources-that-such-individuals-are-now-likely-to-be-in-short-supply-of-as-healthy-behaviors-and-mindsets-become-more-and-more-scarce-in-parenting-repertoire-eventually-leaving-them/entirely-lacking-all-together”-so-basically-if-you-wanna-save-the-world-then-don’t-have-kids-or-if-you-already-have-some-make-sure-to-teach-them-well-and-practice-humility-in-parenting-among-many-other-attributes-to-practice-so-that-you-can-be-joyous-and-prideful-of-what-you’ve-passed-on-as-a-parent-for-a-change-and-you-can-see-each-trait-and-lesson-manifest-and-grow-within-them-waiting-for-the-moment-they’re-ultimately-emulated-and-can-be-seen-in-the-attributes-of-their-own-future-children’s-behaviors-and-minds-hopefully-continuing-the-trend-and-putting-as-many-generations-as-possible-on-a-path-away-from-dysfunctionally-sabotaging-the-ones-closest-to-us-thus-ensuring-we-very-rarely-possess-the-foundation-and-support-network-often-necessary-to-escape-or-heal-from-such-conditions-and-more-or-less-becoming-stuck-in-a-self-fulfilling-downward-spiral.)

So yeah. Fuck religion. Burn bright. End the cycle. Take the reins. Fuzzy fuckbox. NASCAR. Pickled Okra