Fuck this stupid fucking book. Holy shit. If I could go back in time and choose something else to read for this stupid fucking class, you bet your ass I would. In fifty years, when I am finished serving my fifth term as president (I will amend the Constitution) I am going to create a time machine with Steven Hawking’s reanimated corpse and turn back the clock to 2021. Then I am going to choose a different book to read in my AP Literature & Composition class. Not only this, but I will find a very fancy suit and time travel to 1812 and blend in with all of the ugly fucking British people who shit and pissed in the streets. I will bring my laser pistol and fucking disintegrate Jane Austen before she is ever able to publish her stupid fucking book. I will then hunt down her publisher and burn their building to the ground. If they fuck with me, their children are next. Jack the Ripper will shit his tiny little pants, the little shitface dogfucker. He will fear me. I will haunt his fucking dreams. I will then travel back to the present (being the 2070s) and for my sixth re-election campaign as president, use my Power of Recognition and Bragging Rights (these are AP American Government terms. When I became president I personally handed my AP American Government teacher the Presidential Medal of Honor. He is The Godfather of my five beautiful children (two boys, three girls, all the same mother (I am very loyal to my wife))) and tell the world that I fucking assassinated Jane Austen. I recorded that shit on my iPhone 4 (I never upgraded, I remained on that grindset) and uploaded it to BestGore. My wife fucking leaves me and gains custody of the kids all because I confessed to first-degree murder and the use of necromancy. Oh well, though. That’s okay because I was able to change the world for the better (by murdering Jane Austen with a futuristic laser pistol) and made sure that there will never be an AP Literature & Composition student who has to suffer through Pride and Prejudice ever again.