TIFU when

Ok so I got back from the movies seeing lion king and I needed to shower but I’m also in a funk so I wanted to smoke and drink coffee so I thought let’s do a bath.

Then I remembered I move out this week and I have like loads of excess bath products that it doesn’t make sense for me to move so I should just dump them all in the tub to generate some fantastical bubble wonderland.

Wrong, 3 half conditionors, a bottle of Irish spring and like a bunch of shampoo do not make a bubble bath but it’s fine because it smells nice and I like the bubbles that are there.

However,

I went to get out and I stepped on the mat to drip for a second but I really wanted my coffee which was on the counter (dumb fuck me for not putting it closer to the tub)

so anyway I take a small step on the shitty college apartment tile and fucking boom my well lubed body slid so hard and I did a split and slammed my foot into the door which would have really hurt if my fat ass didn’t transform into a fucking bouncy ball launching me back up only to slide slideways this time knocking my cooter on the floor corner of the sink counter.

At first I couldn’t tell if I was bleeding but looks like it’s just a poo stain and severe bruising from the sole fact my ass just bent in ways Gumby couldn’t even do stamping a skid mark on the tile.

Fuck me for trying to have a relaxing day

TLDR I ripped my butthole and pooed on the floor after being depressed about the new lion king by slipping on the floor after a soppy bath