Have you heard of the amazing drink that is aquafina. Aquafina is the best water you will ever drink. You will grow legs when you drink from this liquid gold. Aquafina will push your grandma down the stairs to get you that inheritance money buddy boi. Don’t drink that Dasani garbage. That shit got the dryness of a thousands suns my guy. Dasani is made with the literal sand. It’s basically desert in a bottle. Aquafina will hit you with the moisture and force of hurricane Harvey penetrating the Texas coast. Drink one bottle and you won’t be thirsty for a week. If you dare think of drinking anything else be-
sides aquafina I sincerely hope your mother
gets cancer and dies slowly in front of your
eyes and then she whispers in your ear
“buy aquafina”. But did you know aquafina
can cure cancer. 1 00% of people who don’t
have cancer drink water. So just pour that
magic sauce that is aquafina on her brain
tumor. Do you have AIDS’2 Well aquafina
will clear that shit out faster than the British
government clearing out the blacks in
Cambodia. Are you African and can’t drink
water because it fucking drier than your
sense of humor? Well we got aquafina dirt.
You can eat this shit raw or put it in your
water like Kool aid. And if your one of those
special people who drink boxed water, go
die. Boxed water is terrible. Boxed water
touched you when you were a child. Boxed
water turned your game off before you got
the victory royal in Minecraft spleef. Boxes
water cut you in line. Boxed water is the
reason your dad beats your mom like an
Israeli house wife. Don’t drink boxed water
you twig. Drink aquafina and be able to
obtain the power to look at people and
make them thirsty. Go to aquafina.com
and put in the password: Spartan has a
giant forehead. And get a life time supply
of aquafina water. You can fill a fucking
pool with this shit and make a fountain of
youth. This water will change you life, skin,
teeth, your parents marriage, your marriage,
your hail your car, skin color, feet colon
your sleep pattern, your children’s grades in
school, your dna, your ability to reproduce,
and your eyes. Buy aquafina and make sure
the oven is turned off.