I’ve masturbated with/on some my houseplants and I’ve found it very satisfying. There’s something about sharing yourself with something that’s alive that is more rewarding that jacking off into a tissue. I talk to them while I do it. It isn’t something I do frequently, but it’s a nice changeup for when I want something different.

Of course, this raises issues of wether or not a houseplant can consent. I suppose that depends on wether or not you consider plants to be sentient. I don’t think they are sentient in the same way animals are, so I don’t think I’m doing anything unethical. They don’t need sugar they need love.