i hate my fucking life. i bought earthquake insurance, which turned out to be a huge fucking scam and they drained my bank accounts. i’ve been living out of my car for the past few weeks. i drive a nissan cube. i’ve been living out of my god damn nissan cube and my girlfriend was just diagnosed with parkinson’s. she’s constantly shaking and i feel like i can’t break up with her because then i was the dick who broke up with the parkinson’s girl and threw her into the street after living in a nissan cube for the last few fucking months. on top of that, i have an extreme pornography addiction, but i can’t get the satisfaction of masturbating to my tint phone screen so every day, i go to starbucks for the free wifi and plug in my laptop. then i jerk off when there’s no customers and the employees are trading shifts. i have a one minute window of time to get my nut. i’ve only been caught a couple of times but when i do, i have to find a new starbucks. now there’s a picture of me in every god damn starbucks in the county. i actually jerked off in your bathroom when i got here. i have to pop viagra like afterward because by dick doesn’t work. my life is a fucking wreck. i wish i could just start over.