There are a number of different ways to determine whether or not someone is a jew, even if you don’t know or can’t tell by the name.
First, look at the individual. Jews usually look like rats. If they’re smiling, they’ll look like smiling rats. If they’re not smiling, they’ll look like miserable rats. Also look at the individuals body. Jews usually have misshapen or deformed bodies. This is why you’ve rarely seen a jewish athlete. Also look for symptoms of sickness or disease. As Jackie Mason the jewish comedian once said “oy hev neva mit ah compleetly helty jew.” [Transalation: I have never met a completely healthy jew.] Jews are very slovenly, unhealthy and immoral. Uncontrollable facial twitches are farely common among jews and easy to spot.
If you get close enough you may be able to smell the jew. Jews have a really foul offensive body odor, quite often under a layer of stale cologne. This is especially pronounced among kosher jews because they are forbidden to use soap. Kosher food also has a sickening smell. You can familiarize yourself with this smell by taking a walk near a jewish household during the dinner hour and getting a whiff of kosher food cooking. Right away you will notice a similarity to the smell of dog food or burnt flesh. It is a nauseating odor. This is why you’ve never seen a jewish restaurant. This test should be approached cautiously as over exposure to the smell of kosher food will induse vomiting in a gentile.Next, listen to the individual. Jews have really slimy scummy sounding voices and usually speak with an annoying nasal whine. (Sometimes saliva will drip out from the corner of a jews mouth while they speak so keep looking as well.) They’ll usually speak in a provocative and inquisitive manner and then pleasantly ofer assistance or a referel to another jew. They will always be ambiguous or deceitful about their own affairs. They will never say anything good about a gentile. Their jewish Talmud commands them “A jew should not say anything favorable about a non-jew.” This anomoly will be especially noticeable when you here the jew apeak about a gentile that you know to be a good person. Anything or anyone that is not jewish they will constantly try to silence, slander, sue or slaughter. You might catch the individual off guard with some humor. Try saying something like “Hey, what’s the difference between a jew and a pizza?” Wait for the individual to ask what and then reply “About ten minutes.” If the individual does not laugh, they’re either a jew or a christian t.v. zombie and should be avoided in either case.
If you are still uncertain whether or not the individual is jew, you will have to decide according to your own circumstances whether any potential benefit you may derive is worth the risk of infection. Good luck and stay healthy.
Sincerely yours,
Dr. WIlliam Z. Whiteman
National Agency for Jewish Identification