Found on r/confessions

I shit on our yard everynight. It’s shameful but it’s of the utmost necessity.

So, that’s it. Now I’m gonna give you the juicy context as to why I do this, and a small little bonus towards the end.

Tl;dr at the bottom.

So I have this little ritual where I always smoke a joint before bed on my yard, because I love that hour of the day where everyone is asleep and I get to have that simple beatiful moment where I reflect about life.

Now, for a long time, everytime I am rolling and/or about to light my joint, I get this urge to shit and it’s those shits where you can’t ignore it because the pain won’t go away. The thing is, I still live with my parents, so obviously I have to smoke outside. Well to do so, I have to jump my window that gets me to our yard because otherwise my parents would wake up, so everytime I got the urge, I had to climb the window back again in order to shit like a civilized man.

Now one day, I had the briliant idea to leave a paper roll on my window balcony because I just had enough with my uncooperative asshole, and the big cockblock it made me go through. So, when I feel the urge come, I smile to myself, because I know, I won’t have the burden of jumping my window ever again. So I grab the toilet paper, find a sweet spot behind a fountain statue we have, and unsleash my bowells with the satisfaction of a cave man. Let me tell you, this is the best shit you can have, because you feel the rush of getting caught, but at the same time it gives a very organic feeling we don’t usually get nowadays. It culminates in a sense of calm and euphoric joy.

Now what I didn’t think of, was how I was gonna dispose of the evidence, you know, the poop. So I just sat there, smoking my joint, and looking at my works, thinking, when all of a sudden, my dogs show up, wagging their tails, just following that gorgeous bolognese fulled shit smell.. yes, I remember what I ate that night.. and it’s been years… and you can see where this is going…

The way they were eating it reminded me of hungry wolves after their first kill in weeks. I could hear the fertil sound of shit being smeared at the roof of their mouths while they were going at it like savages, you could see it was their first time… Let me tell you I gagged, I couldn’t even look at them the same for a few days, but after some nights of doing this, (because let me tell it is really convinient that I do this even if I felt disgusted at the time) I felt something different, some deeper feeling arising from this turmoil of disgust and doubt, I felt connected to my dogs, they were eating a part of me much in the same way when we eat the body of Christ simbolized by the wafer at church. I was part of them now, part of their DNA even, so I surrendered. Surrendered to the fact that they like to eat my shit, and I like to shit outside at night, it is nature in it’s most harmonious laws working here, you take but you give, I take the pleasure of shiting outside but I give my dogs a full meal.

As the saying goes, “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure”, in this case dog but it doesn’t matter, they also are divine sparks walking and learning on this beautiful and mysterious world we live in.

Thank you.

Tl;dr: I always have to shit before my night joints so I shit outside and then my dogs eat it.