Okay so we all know that Matty is a beautiful human being who must be protected at all costs that’s a given. But look what happens if we take the time to examine some relationships he’s had that we know of:

* **Halsey** \- annoying narcissist who wishes she was some kinda sick artist and loves to portray herself as “alt” and the voice of the freaks of generation X or some shit. Also makes the most safe, average and uninteresting music for such an “interesting”, tortured soul. Image obssessed. NEXT!
* **The girls he kept sleeping with before and during dating Gemma** \- the best looking but most mental of all the groupies, who only cared about sleeping with him for their own image and ego. NEXT!
* **The bitch in 102** \- probably the same bitch mentioned in sex. We all know someone who’s a bit of a ego driven narcissist despite being goregous and likes stringing guys along while cheating on their boyfriend, whilst also never making their mind up and just enjoying playing games with everyone’s feelings, and bitching about everyone to everyone else. Well this is her. NEXT!
* **Taylor Swift** \- narcissism and image-obssessed fake bullshittery personified, all wrapped up in one pretty all-american package. NEXT!
* **Gemma** \- a posh bitch who just sat around smoking cigarettes and being negative. Also a narcissist who who can’t admit she is ever wrong, and takes pictures of salad and puts it on insta instead of apologising. NEXT!
* **Gabriella** \- Loves trying to make her appearance “arty” and “enlightened” and fancies herself some kind of woke individual tackling women’s issues, despite being the dumbest, laziest, posh bitch possible with no talents, who no-one cares about. Meanwhile she shows off her relationship with Matty all over insta and twitter and pretends it’s some kinda art, which is again, fueled by narcissism and ego. I give her two years max before the next “change of heart” comes out. NEXT!

So what do they all have in common? Simple – he likes pretty but narcissistic girls who are image obsessed and want everyone to know how great they are, and therefore wish they were artists and creative and if they aren’t making a living from “creative” stuff decide to sell scented candles on etsy or become influencer queens. Aka. girls who just want their ego stroked and spent their life raised with a “silver spoon and a zoot in their mouth”, with horrible personalities but quite pretty faces.

These are also known as bitches.

So therefore we should make sure Matty, as a beautiful man who must be protected at all costs, even from himself, next enters a relationship with someone genuine and NOT narcissistic. If there aren’t any volunteers then maybe… me?!