Sgt. Lucy barked out: “AWRIGHT BOYS & LADIES, which o’ you are SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED? The Altered States Army ain’t gonna issue you no boyfriend who can tie a knot in a cherry stem with his tongue! The piece of equipment in front of you is a Regulation 69.fuck-you standard issue jackrabbit vibrator. This item is available in one size, and that’s too small and weak for me, and too big and strong for you buncha virgins. Regulation 69.fuck-you does not REQUIRE you to carry one of these boys, on account of some dusty-holed senator’s religious unfucking freedom; but when you and I are holed up in some godforsaken cave, I ain’t lending you mine, you ain’t that pretty.”