Like the real reason why Oompa Loompas are devoted to him is not some “white man canon” bullshit, but his actual white man canon. Like fuck chocolate, these orange-colored sluts only want the creamy white filling.

Motherfuckers don’t even know how much Oompa Loompa hands can fit on the Wonka cock. It’s thirteen. It’s fucking thirteen. A literal dozen of them could be stroking him off, and there will still be cock left barren.

Wonka, in all of his versions, is the prime example of big dick energy. He fucking takes your kid and body-horrors them, and you fucking take it. Your kid is now blue for the rest of their lives and you have to take it.

It’s a fucking front. Nobody is buying his weak-ass candy. Like get the fuck out of here he doesn’t sell Reese’s cups. His real business is weird sex shit. Back to the blue bitch, she started this inflation porn bullshit. My man Wonka is just capitalizing on it. He turns wives into these Kirby-shaped monstrosities for a few minutes, and he pockets a few grand while the Loompas are cleaning cum from the floor with their greedy tounges.

I can’t see Wonka ever needing viagra, in all linguistic ways, his dick is a jawbreaker.