Ah, didn’t see you there, me and my buddy here have been expecting you. My sticky buddy! Selling here with a- oh, excuse me; I’ve got some pussy hair on me. Check that shit out! It’s a sticky roller designed to clean up any mess, poodles, pussies, people, you name it, use it as a back scratcher! You can rinse it off, dry it off, jerk it off. I don’t care what you do with it or where the hair even came from, silks, suede, swag.

*Bololdolbobololooboololoboblolobollol.*

Ladies, I don’t care how smelly or hairy your carpets are. My rubber fingers get in there deep, just rinse it off-for a nice beverage-wipe it off. HNGGGHG, there we go. Do all kinds of shit with it! Aren’t you tired of ripping your hair out, because you are trying to drive and the kids are making a FUCKING mess, you’ll be making so much money, it pays itself off! Ooh! Precious food! Uh… uh yeah… that’s good… thanks buddy!

Everybody has an evil cat or an annoying dog, use it to groom them or even yourself. Mmmm a la laaaa oh! That’s what I am talking about, WOW! EhhhhhhHHHAHAHAHEEHHHHH! Normally a sticky is $20, but a sticky buddy is only $10.99. You’ll also get a cover, you gotta use protection. Even if it’s a quickie, wrap that sticky. Stop rolling up your money with those old lint rollers, the fuck is wrong with you? Check out the suggestively sized sticky buddy. You’re going to want to stroke it, but not too much, it will make a mess. Hide it in your purse, 007, leave it somewhere as a pleasant surprise, and like I said before I have magic rubber fingers that get deep into your hairy cracks. Get some buddies for just $10.99.

But wait, there is more. If you have jumbo sized pubes, we got a jumbo sized sticky buddy. Who let spider man in the house? The cat’s flipping turds everywhere. Who keeps flicking their boogers under the bed? But you know what the hair that you find is yours to do with as you please. Why not make a toupee, or break out the turbo snake? All of these guys will be your buddies WITH their rubber fingers for just $10.99. Ask about free shipping. Now get out of my house!

*Isn’t that right, Mr. Wuss Wuss?*