WHITE MALE #1: Hey, fellow white guys!

NON-WHITE MALE #1: It’s about to be a new year.

BLACK MALE #1: And there’s a few things we think you could do a little bit better in 2017.

[ON-SCREEN HEADLINE: 2017 Resolutions for White Guys]

NON-WHITE FEMALE #1: First off, try to recognize that America was never great for anyone who wasn’t a white guy.

NON-WHITE FEMALE #2: Can we all just agree that Black Lives Matter isn’t the opposite of all lives matter? Black lives just matter. There’s no need to overcomplicate it.

WHITE MALE #1: Also, Blue Lives Matter isn’t a thing.

BLACK MALE #1: Cops weren’t born with blue skin — right? I mean — yeah! They weren’t born blue.

WHITE MALE #2: Stop bragging about being woke.

NON-WHITE MALE #1: Stop saying woke.

WHITE FEMALE #1: Learn what mansplaining is and then stop doing it.

WHITE MALE #1: Oh, and if you’re a judge, then don’t prioritize the well-being of an Ivy League athlete over the woman he assaulted.

BLACK MALE #1: We all love Beyonce and yeah, she’s black, so of course she cares about black issues. I’m talking to you, Fox News.

NON-WHITE FEMALE #2: Feel free to take Kanye West, though. You guys can have him.

BLACK MALE #1: You know what you did, Kanye.

WHITE MALE #2: Nobody who has black friends says that they have black friends.

BLACK MALE #1: And just because you have black friends doesn’t mean you’re not racist. You can be racist with black friends.

NON-WHITE MALE #1: Look, guys, we know nobody’s perfect.

NON-WHITE FEMALE #1: But — honestly, you can do a little better in 2017.

WHITE FEMALE #1: Some of you guys do a great job. Some of you don’t.

BLACK MALE #1: Please cause 2016 was bad. 2017 can’t be worse than this, alright? Cause this is bad.