My husband (23M) and I (24F) just found out we’re having a baby boy. He’s due in August, and this will be our first child, and the first grandchild of my side of the family. This is supposed to be a happy exciting time, and instead it’s caused a huge fight that’s tearing our family apart. All over a damn name, a name he agreed on a year ago and he’s now going back on his word. I am crushed because this is so important to my entire family.

In my family, our genealogy is extremely important. The firstborn son since the 1800’s has been given this name. I’m well aware it’s a stigmatized name today, so that’s why I have agreed to using a short form. The name is Gaylord. I get it, trust me, I know most people hate it. That is why I’ve been able to discuss with my parents and grandparents that he will go by Gail in daily life so that he doesn’t have to deal with bullies. They really didn’t like the idea, but I wore them down and they have agreed and don’t seem too offended by this. They see the backlash over the name today as a fad that will eventually disappear, and I agree seeing how accepting each generation tends to become. When society stops being so immature about it, he can start using the full name.

So I told my husband all of this, and asked him if he was on board for naming our first son Gail, but just for the birth certificate put Gaylord. I remember, he kind of chuckled and said sure, and that was the end of it. I thought it was settled. But now he’s claiming he never agreed and thought I was kidding. Why would he think that when he’s met my father and grandpa? He won’t even discuss it with me now, and has since told his parents of my name choice. I now have his whole family hounding me and overreacting, telling me it would be abusive even when we’d just be calling him Gail. My mother told me my MIL has called her to scream at her over the phone.

My in-laws are telling me that even Gail isn’t an acceptable boy’s name, and that I need to “get with the times” and choose something more appropriate. They gave me a list of approved names like I’m a child, which is incredibly offensive to me. Not to mention they were trendy names that would never stand the test of time. They have no right to name my own baby for me. I don’t think my husband would have such an issue if it wasn’t for his family sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong, since he didn’t have a problem with it a year ago. What happened to respecting our elders and traditions? His family doesn’t have any naming traditions, so it should fall to my family that does. How could I be expected to break a centuries old family tradition? Are we really going to let immature homophobia dictate what we can and can’t do? I can’t get past this, and neither can my in-laws.

Reddit, WIBTA if I called my son Gail, but wrote it as Gaylord just for the birth certificate to respect my family tradition?

UPDATE: Okay, so I wasn’t expecting to wake up to such hostility. I’m not trying to argue, and I accept the YTA, but I do feel not all of you read the whole post. I would be only using the short form, and his classmates would never have to know the full name because that’s something you can discuss with the principals and teachers to not share. Gail really is a unisex name, but I see the spelling Gale is more masculine and would have no problem changing it to Gale.

Thanks for the awesome ideas on how to keep compromising. A user suggested changing the spelling to Guillard, and going by Guy for short, so today I’m going to have a phone conference with the family and see if they feel this is a good alternative to carrying on the tradition. I’ll let you know what they say later on.

UPDATE #2: Please stop comparing my family name with Adolf Hitler. No one named Gaylord has killed millions in concentration camps. Of course I would break tradition if the name in question was Adolf or Hitler. I’m not a monster.

I just got off the phone with my family. They were offended by Guillard and Guy because they’re too different, so that’s off the table. We managed to work out that Gale Gaylord would be a reasonable compromise, with Gale being the complete first name, and Gaylord being the middle name. My husband can then add a second middle name after Gaylord if he wants. Grandpa is especially not impressed that it’s being demoted to a middle name, but he did say he understands the pressure I’m facing here. So I’m going to wait til my husband calms down and offer this as a solution. I’m thinking that with the more masculine spelling, my in-laws might come around to Gale. I’ll also offer my husband free pick for our second child’s name, and will accept whatever he chooses.

If you have any other compromises to suggest, I’m open to hear them. I am desperate to work this out. Thanks to those of you who have been kind in your responses, even if it’s to say YTA.