SR:

I’m sorry for a lot of things.

I’m sorry that I told you that I would never get over you, and that I would always be yours. I’m sorry I begged for you to stay.

I’m sorry I didn’t make more friends in college because you weren’t okay with it. I’m sorry I couldn’t always talk about my feelings because I was afraid you would cheat again. I’m sorry I didn’t spend more time on my hobbies when we were together. I’m sorry I went to a concert with my sister and never told you because I knew you would never let me. I’m sorry we missed Christmas dinner with your dad’s side of the family even though we did 2 Christmases with your side, and one with mine.

I’m sorry I was so jealous of your exes, and your friend that you used to date. I’m sorry that I wanted to be a bigger part of your life.

I know I made it hard for you to leave. You were all I knew. You were all I had. It was really hard at first. I didn’t touch my sewing machine in weeks. I haven’t played skyrim until today. I cried to the point of exhaustion. I didn’t eat for days. I looked over the Christmas card with the cat that you made me, and our photo booth pictures.

But I’m fine now. I got a job that you would have died knowing I work there, since I get tips at work. It turns out people really like how I make coffee. I work with girls AND guys and am slowly developing friendships. I’m saving up for the car you never wanted me to have. I go out to bars and drink. I go out dancing with friends.

Thank you for leaving. I’ve finally been able to get away from my worst drug, you. I’ve finally been able to see that being happy is okay, having boundaries is okay, having friends is okay, and hell I might even be worth some faithfulness from someone.

I’m not gonna lie, I’m still a bit broken. I constantly think about what I did wrong even though you were always gas lighting me. I still want your approval, not that i’d ever tell you. I feel like an idiot trying to put on lipstick because you hated when I wore it, or wearing a choker since you didn’t feel comfortable with me wearing it. I miss the cuddles, and when we would be intimate. I miss not being able to share things with you. I miss not being able to write you letters and leave you random notes. Before you left I was working on making your cat a toy and fixing your shirt that my cat tore. I had added a heart to the tag. I still haven’t had the strength to throw it away.

But I’m better. I’m not dead. I survived. I don’t need you as much as you made me think I needed you. You weren’t that good for me anyways.

-V