I sexually Identify as a tarp. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of covering the ground and providing shelter for campers. People say to me that a person being a tarp is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install plastic covering and metal holes on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Heavy Duty Tarp” and respect my right to cover the ground and cover needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a tarpaphobe and need to check your camping supply privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.