Back in my day we didn’t have these zoowhatyamacallit machines, we had to do work, BY HAND! when I was 15 during the summer of ’67 I got a job that paid 7 dollars an hours! 7 bucks, and you complain about only getting paid 10? I had to use my hands to grind mulch for the farm, my hands would be covered in blisters when I came home. To get rid of them I had to pee on them and lick it off! Have you ever pissed on your hand? Didn’t think so! I didn’t have these things called “ifones” or “anroids” to help me! No sirree! When I took a shit I used dirt, I didn’t have the privilege of having paper. Do you think we had ac! Nope! We would take turns farting on each other to cool ourselfs off. One day a kid named Billy ate a lot of beans and started charging to fart on kids! He made 15 buckaroos that day, yes sir he did. When I saw that I knew I wanted to start up my very own company. That’s how I became the proud owner of gaintassfuckingdildosandshitfuckers inc.

What? You just wanted to know where the bathroom was? Fucking millennials.