A friend of mine on Twitter asked, “What is the unit measure equivalent of sharts?” And it got me thinking. What is a shart? What makes a shit fart “more of a shart” than another?

My first answer, as you might be thinking now: how much shit there was! So, do we simply measure the mass of shit to compare sharts? I don’t think that does nearly enough,and here’s why:

It’s not just about how much shit there is. The question we’re here to answer is, is it more of a shit than a fart? In other words, how much shit is there in proportion to fart?

If you had a MASSIVE fart but only a tiny amount of sharticles, I think that’s less of a shart than a small fart with an equal amount of shit would be. That allows us create an equation of shart level = (mass of shit / volume of gas). But still it didn’t seem quite done.

When you think of a shart, like a REAL shart, it’s not just shit and gas emission right? There’s noise! Commanding noise that really completes it as a full blown shit fart. So I decided the equation should reflect that.

My team and I (aka my sister and my roommate, who questioned why they ever pick up the phone when I call), have reduced the effect of noise in the equation, to ensure that the shit/fart ratio is the most influential part.

This brings the finished product, which I like to call the Shartre (ShT)

ShT = ((mg shit/mL fart)*100) + dB at peak emission

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Thank you for your time.