I wish I could’ve walked out on that movie. My ex made me go see it with her because I made her see Interstellar with me (and I guess it was payback, because she didn’t like it? I don’t remember exactly), and I had to sit through the whole goddamn thing.

It was so boring. SO BORING. How do you make sex scenes *boring?!* I would’ve been impressed with the level of incompetence put forward in the production of that movie, but I just wanted it to stop. Once it finally did, I suddenly knew the secret to faster-than-light travel, because I was out of that theater immediately.

I always thought being “bored to tears” was just some bullshit cliché, and nobody could actually cry from boredom. But I did. Watching Fifty Shades of Grey, I wept from absolute boredom. That is, without a doubt, the worst movie I’ve seen in my entire life. Worse than The Grudge 2, worse than Redline (the shit one that came out in 2007), worse than Epic Movie, and worse than Skyline. I actually paid real money to see all of those movies in theaters. I saw Fifty Shades for free, and I still want a refund. Fuck that movie.