Now here me out, I know this sounds weird. Very weird. Like, you just want to stop reading this all together weird. I know. I understand. But I cannot help it. I must shoot my fluids inside trash cans.

It all started when I was about 5 years old.

I was walking home from school one day, my parents always made me walk about 5 miles by myself to and from school every single day. I mean I understand I was a stupid little bitch and I deserved to be whipped but that’s beside the point here. One day I was just causally walking home from school, it’s about 1:30pm, and 2 older kids that at the time bullied me, run up to me and start giving me shit. They start pushing me around like I’m their sweaty little orphan. I’m trying to break free from their grip but I couldn’t. They slowly look me up and down, head to toe, and then they both nod to each other. I see them look over at a secluded spot about 30 feet away from the main road, and they dragged me there. Once they bring me here, they strip me naked…

And, and then…

They…

T-They…

Um…

…

Stuff me in a trash can.

They slam the lid of the trash can, and put duct tape around it so I couldn’t open it. I was bare naked, trapped in a half full trash can. I laid in there for hours, crying for help. Eventually some sexy Romanian joggers wearing *tight* spandex helped me out of the trash can and drove me home.

When I got home, my parents they um…

Uh..

Uuuuhhhh….

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S-sorry I just had a panic attack…

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A-Anyway.

My parents congratulated me. My mom and my older brother sat me down, and my older brother said “son, you’ve done your family real proud today. Ya know what it’s like to be a god damn man now. You’re now the Trash Can Man. And you always will be.”

I felt so honored. Honestly. My parents finally accepted me for who I am! I was just so happy. No more whippings, no more Sean Hannity, it was all different now.

And believe me, *it was…*

I was absolutely obsessed with trash cans from there on out.

I had collections upon collections of trash cans and trash can lids in my room growing up. Aluminum trash cans, plastic trash cans, *used* trash cans, I had it all.

When I finally moved to my college dorm, I brought along one aluminum trash can that I always loved the most. I named it Dopey. Dopey was such a good little trash can. Out of my whole collection, Dopey was my favorite. I painted it yellow, taped weeds around it, and made sure it’s insides were always clean.

One day, as I was playing my PS3 (PlayStation is better than Xbox btw you fuckin fags) at age 23 in my dorm,

I looked at Dopey a little differently.

I lay in my bed, looking at Dopey sitting next to me.

Dopey is… Is…

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S-S-S-Sexy….

Oh my god…

OH MY GOD…

HOLY FFFFFUCK

I FLING MY PP OUT, THROBBING HARDER THAN YOUR MOMS RECTUM, AND START JERKING OFF INTO DOPEY.

OHHH MY GOD IT FEELS SO GOOOODDDDDAKDIFUXI EGGS OXEJDJEJXIENDKNKDNFNEJFJEJDJDNDNDDMDNDNDNDNSMSMSN39493(#829#91029959€]¥{¥{©=€©✓€{€×|×√×√{√×√×√×√×√{√{√{√{√{√{√{√{√{√{√{√{•{¥=€[€{©[^{®×|[®{€{¥¶•×®¶¢¶%}©[®[®[®✓®[®[®[®[®✓®[®[®[®[®[®✓®✓®✓®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®

IN ABOUT 2 MINUTES OR LESS, I CUM INSIDE DOPEY.

I WANTED TO CUM INSIDE MORE TRASH CANS.

MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE

I’D BRING HOME TRASH CAN AFTER TRASH CAN AFTER TRASH CAN, AND I’D CUM ON AND IN THEM ALL. ALL AT ONCE. I’D HAVE TRASH CAN ORGIES, THREESOMES, I’D 69 THOSE LITTLE FUCKERS,

OOOOAAAAAHHHHHHH

Campus police would always catch me cumming inside trash cans and dumpsters.

As they say, college is the best time of your life.

And holy fuck it really is.

I married Dopey a few years later with my older brother, and we all currently have 2 kids ☺️

I hope you’ve enjoyed my story!