I don’t know about you guys but taking a big shit is probably the greatest thing in the world. I would have to objectively put it higher on the list of greatest things to happen to me than the time my kids were born. From sitting down and relaxing to pushing out a fat log and having it creep out of my asshole while simultaneously feeling it rip apart every millimeter of my tight anal sphincter is more pleasurable than a six day heroine binge. The feeling is truly distinctive and breathtaking at the same time. Don’t get me started on the feeling after and the rush that comes with it. Is this what giving birth feels like? if only I had enough jars to save my stool offspring so that I could admire them like that South Park episode where they need Tom Brady’s shit for health purposes or the other episode where randy is competing for the “biggest crap”. Honestly, the scatological sciences is a field that DESERVES more research funding so that new methodologies to continue to have the glorious bowel movements that make the mundane day-to-day of modern life more bearable will accessible to everyone who seeks the reward and pleasure of such a constructive and fulfilling activity.